Emotionally Difficult Morning

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Last night my son's teacher e-mailed me about him being a little off these past few weeks. Here is a little insight to what has been happening.

A few weeks ago my son started processing the (I hate to say it) abuse he went through with his dad with his counselor. Tien, that is my son's name, has been sad as a result of us leaving the situation back this past September. We entered a safe house program. And, we have since been building a safe environment.

Today morning I asked my son after he has been snappy with me what his problem was. He said he had a hole in his heart. He said that when he is at school all he does is think about his dad. He said he misses him. He said that he wishes we can just go stay with him. He said he wants his dad. I choked back my tears for so many reasons. I listened to Tien cry, and tried to reassure him I hear him. I told him I love him. I told him that I wish there was a way his dad would be someone safe we can live with. I told him that I was going to tell his teacher that he was feeling sad. I told him I would talk to Mrs Kelly about meeting with him today and on Thursday. I feel like I needed to tell Tien that I know he feels sad. I want him to know I want to work on things to make him feel happier and not so sad.

How my heart pains for my son...

I ended up coming back into a scary situation. I'll just say it was scary and leave it at that. The police came over and a report was made.

I tested my blood sugar and it was 124 for fasting. I just ate a bowl of Life cereal with some skim milk.

I feel overwhelmed by the emotions I am feeling. I feel sort of helpless in helping my son overcome his sadness with regards to his dad.

I believe that if my son gets supervised visits regularly with his dad, then my son won't feel like he misses his dad so much. I am compliant and willing for his dad to get supervised visits, but his father won't budge on paying for them and insists on not seeing him. I have a limited income. I can't see how I should pay for the visits, but am willing to pay for them if it means Tien will feel better. His dad isn't paying child support yet. I am getting the initial order of support from him on April 19th , the court date. His dad has no custodial rights with our son. I have full custody of Tien right now. What a sticky situation.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so sorry for you and your son! I lived with my mom and her abusive husband for years. It is no place for a child. Praying for wisdom for you, and healing for your son.
    2758 days ago
    Thanks to all of you for the support. As an update, I reached out to my support network for Tien. He was able to speak with his counselor at his school and his teachers spoke to all of the children about families. Tien said he got to talk to Ms Kelly his counselor from Family & Children Services about his Dad and how he feels sad. Ms Kelly worked on strategies to help him move through his pain. She told him to make a Christmas List when he got home, which we did by the way, and we also made a Happy Bucket. The Happy Bucket is a jar filled of things that make Tien happy. He wrote he likes to tell jokes to me and he likes to play. I wrote a few things like I love giving him hugs and I love to see him smile. He played with his friends from the neighborhood, and he also sprayed with a spray bottle soapy water on the deck. He pretended to "paint" the deck. It was cute. It was nice to see him smile. In the morning today, he was still not wanting to go to school. I gave him a pep talk. By the time he left my car to get onto the school bus Tien was smiling and seemingly happy in the moment he was living. Thank you for the prayers of encouragement and the hope you give.
    2760 days ago
    I don't really have anything to add, but I just wanted to know that you have listening ears and shoulders to cry on and hugs to be given from your SparkFamily here.


    2760 days ago
    emoticon If your husband prefers not to see your son, then your son will get no benefit by seeing your husband. If your husband abused your son before what is there to prevent him from doing it again? Abused children still love their abuser. I am sorry for your situation.
    2760 days ago
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    2760 days ago
    Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for your pain. I am here too if you just need a shoulder to cry on. I can't really give any sort of advice because I have never been in this kind of situation, but I really hope that things work themselves out very soon for your sons sake. I'm soooo sorry. :-(
    2760 days ago
  • DORY914
    I agree with Clover2 and DJ4Health, you didnt just leave you escaped. Can his counselor explain to him why he needs supervised visits? I dont think it would be safe for you or your son to be alone with him. If I can do anything Im here for you to emoticon
    2760 days ago
    Your priority is your sons safety and maybe you need some one else to explain it to your son. He may be able to understand it better if there is a person that is not involved to tell him why he is not seeing his dad.
    2760 days ago
    Wow, what a tough place to find yourself in. I know how hard it is to be in a place where your child hurts and there is nothing you can do about it beyond telling them you know they hurt and that you would make it better if you could but you aren't able to and that you love them more than anything in the world. I don't know much about the details of your life, but you've describe enough to know that you CAN'T go back to the place that it sounds as though you have literally escaped. Any time that a safe house is involved you didn't just leave, you escaped! Know that I'm here if you need a shoulder, I can listen and love and be there. You will be ok!
    emoticon emoticon
    2760 days ago
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