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#9 Confessions! I'm RICH!

Monday, March 26, 2012


Let me see if I can catch your thoughts. I’m working hard on turning things around, and this is the perfect time to really catch someone thoughts.

Have you ever thought of the many reasons why you aren’t so successful with your wants and wishes.
I call them wants and wishes –because we all want something, and we all wish to have something.
I want to be RICH –but I don’t want to be RICH in an overflowing cash way.

I want to be…
R-Responsible – Responsible for my actions-
I-Independent –Independent of my thoughts and how I process my thoughts through actions-
C-Carefree –Carefree, free to do as I choose without worry or regrets-
H-Healthy –Healthy not only in my body, but in the mind as well-

This is where I hope to catch you all. I mean, really catch your true thoughts on this.
We all struggle to find ourselves. Some of us know our true identity –we know who we are, and we know what we want out of life.
Then –there is this small percent who doesn’t know who they are, and they have everyone else choosing and controlling their destiny in life.

Your destiny is for you to live –for you to live only.
Your dreams “might” change when you venture out on your own as an adult.
Your dreams “might” be challenged by those you know as family and friends.
Your dreams “might” be forgotten –or released from your heart, because someone told you. It’s an unrealistic dream; something you shouldn’t dare try or reach calling you a fool or thinking what you plan on doing is nonsense.

My friend opens up to me today. She really catches my ears with her feelings and conversation.

She said to me. I have this mental mind play going on with myself.
I’m torn between the love of my life, and a dream of losing 50 freaking pounds.
I know –the 50 pounds won’t change my love or my heart for this man, but he has mentally beaten me with words that hurt me.
You’re not going to lose any weight. So I stop telling him about my weight loss, and I stop walking out of the bathroom with a smile on my face.
You’re not going to look good when you do it. I don’t know why you are trying. I don’t see why you are spending “my” hard earned money on new gym shoes. I don’t understand why you let that girl influence you (me). He even goes on to say this. Her husband might not like an overweight woman, but I like a woman with “meat” on her bones. He goes as far as telling her. You are going to change our relationship with this nonsense.

I asked her. Don’t you want to be RICH for once in your life?
She goes. Yeah! We all want to be rich.

I said. R-I-C-H

That’s the RICH I’m talking about. Not the overflow of cash, but the overflow of self-worth.
You need to be responsible for your own actions.
You need to be independent about your choices in life.
You need to be carefree and not worry about no one else or their unreasonable concerns.
You need to be healthy in the mind and spirit as well as the body, but if you’re not healthy mentally, you’ll be controlled and talked out of your dreams for the rest of your life.

I watched my father do this to my mother. And I have been in a few relationships like this.
Those knock down mental relationships, and I could not stand it. I hated it with a passion.
I sat my heart to do something, and then I get knocked back down with words that didn’t encourage me, but discourage.
My friend said. He was all for it. I lost a total of 7 pounds, and he goes. Aw, do you want a cookie so we can gain them back?
I go to the gym and workout with Lisa, and he goes. Oh! You think you fine now. You’re hanging with the skinny bitches.
I go and get some new workout clothes and shoes because I don’t want to be in the gym all tacky, and he said. That better not be my money you spending.
She goes. He order’s pizza and I ask for a veggie style pizza, and he orders one large meat lovers, and tell me- oh you got one of those Weight Watcher deals in the fridge. You’re on a diet. And I’m not paying for 2 pizzas.

My friend said. I didn’t want to bring it up yesterday – you were in this great mood, and I didn’t want to kill it.
You’re decorating and your husband was gone with his friends doing him, and the kids were gone too.
You were having fun, working on your vocals and cleaning up the house and you told me about that dream, and all I saw was my friend working on it, and how your husband gave you your space.

My man has been giving me his lip service since the first 4 pounds lost. Lip service and I didn’t ask for the lip service.
She goes. Do Jackie, do that to you talk to you all kinds of ways?
NO! He doesn’t care if I lose weight. To be honest with you –he don’t like it when I say I’m fat.
He pointed at a fat girl, and pointed at a thick girl and said that’s what you are. THICK!
He understands –I need to be happy, and supports me in his own way. Congratulate me when I lose some, hugs me when I gain some and tell me don’t let that get to me.

She goes. I wish my man was more like yours.
She has these beautiful hazel eyes, nice skin, and she is a little overweight.
A cola bottle shape and a figure my mother would love to have.
She’s “THICK” but to call it what it is in our eyes she’s fat.
And she doesn’t want to be fat. She wants to lose some weight, and feel great about herself.
And her man friend is giving her grief over those 7 funky pounds.

My friend told me about the power walk she did so she can kill the emotional binge eating trigger. Better yet –to calm it down.
She also told me. She came to my house to get some fresh air, and to clear her thoughts.
My friend asked me. Am I a fool for acting on this and will I lose my relationship?
I go. I don’t like to get into people personal relationships “now”. I try to stay out of it.
We all aren’t perfect and my “marriage” has some rough days too.
I will say this. You’ll be the fool if you let him win.
This will happen next when you don’t follow through –I told you so.

I told my friend. I’m a big competitor. I don’t do a lot of backing down.
I can’t bet my husband to lose weight –because I love to win.
I had to bring that competitive spirit into this right here.
In order for me to compete I have to be honest with myself.

What I want and why I want it.
I’m doing this for my health and state of mind.
Most of all –I’m doing this for myself and no one else.
Every other time was about someone else and their wants for me. It was never about my wants.
Then I became a competitor. I wanted to lose more at the gym to win the Wal-Mart gift card, or the free dumbbell set.
It was never about the “fat” or losing it. It was winning. Always winning and staying and standing in control.

I learned. If you talked about me needing to lose some weight I would eat more.
If you praised me highly about my weight loss –I would get the big head and think I can go back to my old ways of eating and chill. I’m noticing things now. I also learned. If I don’t have support I lose all drive and motivation.

I support you and I’m here for you. Let’s drop the biggest loser challenge with the both of us, because I’m competitive and I will eat you alive.
She goes. NO! I don’t care if you eat me alive. I just want some support and lose some weight. I can’t do this without your support. I don’t have anyone else. You are all I have in this fight right here. I want to be RICH. And I can’t be RICH without you.

I respect my friend.
I respect her drive and her honest feelings.
I respect the fact that she is dealing with her emotions in a different way.
I told my friend. You are growing, and when you grow you open up more and more and then you blossom.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are rich. For a lot of people it isn't a matter of finding out who they are but learning to love who they are warts and all. Lack of self love is one of the most defeating things we face as women. When your self love is strong a man's words will not change your direction. When you self love is strong you fight for yourself. My prayer is that younger women will learn to find and love themselves so they don't take this battle into their 30's and 40's.
    2218 days ago
    Head games are dangerous. YOU are going to be RICH and even RICHER for helping your friend learn to hear her own VOICE.
    2218 days ago
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