Lost focus

Friday, March 23, 2012

Since joining sparkpeople I have not made a blog post but I feel I need to now. I started my getting healthy trek in October 2011. It was a hard first couple of months but I maintained and stayed focused. My motivation was to get off insulin, my short term goal was to get my A1C down to 8% or lower. I went to the dr 3 weeks ago and nothing had changed. It's to the point that I need to see a specialist. I was heartbroken I felt that all that hardwork was for nothing. As I am typing this my eyes tear up. I gave up became very depressed. My life has been going great I am a blessed person and this is not the will of God. However I could not pull myself together. I begin to eat things I have given up, I stopped working out. I basically withdrew from everything I found fun and exciting. I have always been a person that thinks highly of herself. I have a very high esteem when it comes to me. Here lately I have been extremely self conscience. I don't want to wear certain things, and this is not me. I do not know how or when this happened but it has. I am confused and hurt. I am hurt because I feel like I have given up on myself. I am the one person I have always counted on and now I am just unsure. I have even with drew from God and that is not who I am. I just need to find myself then I feel I will be ok. I think getting this out and in the open will also help me to get back on track. I have gained back all but 3 pounds of the 42 I lost. So this is me trying to dust myself off and get back on the horse.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TYANE1219
    Thank you so much you guys for your words. I am glad someone understands thank you!!!

    2812 days ago
  • RAINA413
    Welcome to Spark People!! I am so glad you are here!

    This is a great place to begin your weight loss journey. There are so many amazing resources to benefit from. From the fitness and nutrition trackers, to the teams and groups where you can get endless amounts of support, motivation, and advice to the articles which will make you fitness and health smart!

    My best advice for you since you are new would be to set a goal for each day. It really helps give you focus and a sense of accomplishment. Also, I have to say I never used to be much for exercising, but it really is key! Use both your nutrition tracker and fitness tracker properly and accurately and you are guaranteed results!!

    I started off slow. Best advice I can give you is to buy a decent pedometer. If you can reach 10,000 steps a day then you are considered to have a very active lifestyle. That is one big step towards a healthier you and it is an attainable fitness goal you can reach every day! From there walk on the treadmill or in your neighborhood. This is how I started off. Just walking. Slowly I began to go a bit faster then a bit faster. Before I knew it I was walking one minute jogging the next. This "break" between jogs soon became shorter and shorter the more often I trained. Now I am running 8 miles a day! Just take it slow. Baby steps. Focus on one goal at a time and before you know it you will be well on your way!!

    2814 days ago
    It was good to see you back on SP I had missed you. I think we all go through with what you were talking about. Tomorrow is a new day and we must take it one day at a time. Continue sparking and we will try to help you get through this bump in the road. May God give you the strength to get throuugh this and start getting you back on track. Hang in there.

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    2814 days ago
    Keep posting so that we can continue to encourage you!

    Many of us have felt like giving up. Many of us have given up and come back because where we were going was a lot better than where we have been.

    I would also suggest that if you haven't signed up for a sparkteam, that would be a great source of encouragement as well. I know that there are sparkteams that focus on diabetes.

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    2814 days ago
    I was really touched by your blog. I think we with weight issues often abandon ourselves and cut ourselves off because we don't think we deserve anything any better - we're punishing ourselves for not being good enough or having failed to achieve that which we set our sights on in the time frame we gave ourselves!

    To my mind there is only one thing to do here and that's forgive yourself. God has already done that so its up to you now. If you understand why you did this - and it sounds as though you put everything on getting off your insulin within a particular time frame - then you can understand perhaps that the road is going to be a bit longer than you thought and that maybe you have some other stuff to learn along the way. It might be how to love yourself unconditionally, that's just a guess.

    One thing I know is that when we make an outcome crucial, the pressure we're putting on ourselves to achieve the outcome often sees us failing - it's like trying too hard or something. What about going for getting off insulin eventually and learning to live a great life in the meantime - knowing that you're worth it no matter what!!

    I think that becoming disappointed in ourselves is one of the rottenest things we can do to ourselves. I'm not over that one yet, but I'm getting there. I figure God's got a plan for me and he always takes my wishes into consideration, but sometimes I get in the way - you know - I try to hard, I push it, I want it now, I have no patience and I'm not kind to myself.

    So anyway, I'm not sure if this is what's happening for you but I felt compelled to write it. I hope that you are able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and perhaps set yourself more manageable goals. Include a little fun maybe - some laughter is good and I reckon God loves laughter and fun. Above all just be gentle with yourself.
    2814 days ago
    Wow! Some of the things your wrote I'm feeling the same right now. I'm not insulin dependent and hopefully I will not become dependent. However, my healthy eating had spiraled down for many weeks now. I just fell down in some kind of funk and having a real hard time getting back. I'm still exercising, but the intensity level has decreased. I haven't had that go getting attitude about myself, and I'm worried about my A1c results when I visit the doctor's on Monday. When I was first diagnosed with type 2 my A1c was almost 8. After revamping my eating my 3 month visit went down to 5.3. I hope you will get back to feeling like yourself again soon. Best of luck and much success to you on your journey.
    2814 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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