Friday, March 23, 2012
Since joining sparkpeople I have not made a blog post but I feel I need to now. I started my getting healthy trek in October 2011. It was a hard first couple of months but I maintained and stayed focused. My motivation was to get off insulin, my short term goal was to get my A1C down to 8% or lower. I went to the dr 3 weeks ago and nothing had changed. It's to the point that I need to see a specialist. I was heartbroken I felt that all that hardwork was for nothing. As I am typing this my eyes tear up. I gave up became very depressed. My life has been going great I am a blessed person and this is not the will of God. However I could not pull myself together. I begin to eat things I have given up, I stopped working out. I basically withdrew from everything I found fun and exciting. I have always been a person that thinks highly of herself. I have a very high esteem when it comes to me. Here lately I have been extremely self conscience. I don't want to wear certain things, and this is not me. I do not know how or when this happened but it has. I am confused and hurt. I am hurt because I feel like I have given up on myself. I am the one person I have always counted on and now I am just unsure. I have even with drew from God and that is not who I am. I just need to find myself then I feel I will be ok. I think getting this out and in the open will also help me to get back on track. I have gained back all but 3 pounds of the 42 I lost. So this is me trying to dust myself off and get back on the horse.
Thank you for reading