I'm sick of it...and I'm back....

Monday, March 19, 2012

m sick of it. I'm sick and tired of starting this journey, and then fizzling out. I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm sick of being an emotional wreck. I'm sick of being tired. I want to live. I want to be vibrant and happy and strong!! While my husband and I were separated, I was put on antidepressants and lost weight. I lost Thirty freakin pounds!! In two months no less. I felt fantastic. Then my Doc decided that about 3-4 months was all I needed for my anti depressants, I got back with my wonderful husband........and fell into routine again. It sucks. I've gained back all the weight I'd lost. I've lost that spark I had found....and I'm scared of loosing everything I worked so hard to regain. I had a breakdown yesterday. I realized after getting paid on Friday, I had 16 dollars in my account, with 10 ready to come out....I was flat broke. I couldn't provide the amazing princess party my 4y/o wanted for her 5th birthday....the one she'd been asking for over a year now....I couldn't buy groceries....I couldn't even get extra gas for my truck. I was stuck. I realized how bad I felt, how awful and depressed and miserable I felt. I cried. My 4y/o asked why I was crying.....and I cried more. I asked her to leave the room......and she cried...so we cried together. I couldn't explain it to her, except that mommy was sad. So very sad. I felt like a failure...a loser....but she, in her 4 y/o world wouldn't understand....so I hugged her and cried. I've decided to go back on my antidepressants, and find another doctor not so dead set against drugs. That little pill helped me....it helped me find me, and loose weight. I know I cant depend on it, but I can use it longer than 4 months. In those four months my life was so chaotic, I didn't get a routine of my new habits....so when the chaos was gone, my old routine came back. It's time to reclaim my glory.......
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I found you today by becoming a N.C. team member. I also live in Chatham county - Pittsboro. I would like to be a friend. I hope you are finding some help and hope since March. It is very easy to get overwhelmed by life and our extra pounds, low self image, etc, etc., and throw in the towel on diet, exercise and hope. If you are interested in joinging forces and reaching out - let me know. I'm here to help if I can !!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2695 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/4/2012 1:58:43 PM
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