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Mad World

Monday, March 19, 2012

I’m annoyed.
I have no particularly good reason for this; I’m just grumpy as heck. It’s Monday, I’m back at work, I didn’t have much of a weekend (I spent Saturday doing taxes, cleaning and being ill from the Lean Pocket I’d eaten on Friday, and spent Sunday working out, followed by schlepping to the ‘rents to do two weeks’ worth of laundry. On the upside, had a very nice dinner), my car is acting up, it’s too bloody nice out and we didn’t get a decent spring (even though technically, it’s not spring till... when, tomorrow? I think it’s tomorrow), I didn’t get as much jewelry done as I’d have liked (I did get some done. Mostly rings. The earrings didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. I did figure out how to make a paddle-ended headpin, though. I didn’t have any copper headpins, and I wanted headpins, so I just sort of... hammered myself some. They came out OK, but not as nice as I’d like. And a bit sharp!)... all in all, I came out of this weekend just feeling p-o’ed.
On the good-news front...
I’m waiting on an e-mail from the company that deducts $25 from my paycheck every month and saves it for me so that I don’t spend it; I don’t recall receiving any tax forms from them, and I just want to make sure that’s right before I submit them as complete. Once I do that, and the refund checks hit my bank account... I’m off to get my business mailbox. More than that... there should be enough there to pretty much buy me my kiln!!!
Mind you, I’m not going to BUY the kiln just yet. I’ve decided that, no matter how badly I want it, I don’t have a safe place in my current apartment to keep it. For all that kilns are safer than such things used to be, I’d really rather have it in its own special, clutter-free home, where it is the requisite amount of space away from the wall, located on a table nowhere near anything else, preferably on a concrete floor in a garage or basement. I don’t want to burn my house down. So... that money is going to go in a special savings account in a bank I never go to, so that I do not go spending it like... well, like me. So says the woman who spent $80 on various colors of 20 and 22 gauge wire today. I did this with good reason - I realized over the weekend, while I was attempting to make jewelry, that my wire stash was woefully low. I’ve been using the same stash of wire for, like, a decade; when you’re not doing it regularly, that stuff can last you a long time. And once I bought myself some sterling silver wire, I used that more regularly than the funky colored ones, because as nifty as the funky colored ones are, they have an annoying tendency to get scraped up wherever you file, and lose their pretty-colored finish in those areas. It looks bad, especially on a ring. Since most of what I’ve been doing for people other than me over the last few years was rings, I pretty much stuck with the sterling silver. But since I’m now planning to ramp up production rather dramatically, having a stash of a rainbow of colors - in a more affordable material than sterling! - would be a good thing. Especially because I ended up trying to use some of the only 20 ga. wire I had - bare copper - but ended up not having any headpins, which is where the hammering of headpins comes in. I ordered copper headpins, too. And some nickel-free silver-plated copper wire, as well, to use in place of the sterling.
The next major purchase of my life, terrifyingly enough, may very well be an actual, honest-to-goodness home.
But seriously - if for no other reason than I want to get all my beading stuff out of my living room, this is something I really do need to do. Especially now that it’s EXPANDING so much! NEED MORE SPACE!!!! I can’t afford to RENT anything bigger, but there’s a decent possibility that I can afford to BUY something.
This is terrifying.
I’m a little torn - I really kinda like where I’m living. It’s refreshingly rural, but has a lot of shopping - both of the quaint and/or interesting and of the mass-produced, Evil Empire variety - readily available. It’s not too terribly far from where I’m currently working (where I’m working is about to move a little further away, which is frustrating. But even so, I’ve had worse commutes). I’ve got friends (that I rarely see, but that’s as may be) who recently moved about half an hour away (as opposed to the hour away that they had been). It’s not an awful drive to just about any of the places I like to go. The suckiest thing is that while it’s an easy peasy drive to the ‘rents where they live now, they’re planning to move to Philadephia in the relatively near future. I’ve never driven there, don’t even know how. I don’t have mass transit near me, here. It’s going to put a serious crimp in my ability to readily see them, and that’s going to suck the fat one.
OK, yes, I admit it - I’m close to my parents.
Also, I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be at this gig. It seems like it might be dangerous to commit to buying a house under these circumstances.
I’m scared to death, if you want complete honesty. I’m scared that I’m going to be the one responsible if/when anything goes wrong. My parents recently had this wicked leak in their townhome that meant they had to find a reputable handyman to have fixed; if that happened to me now, I could just call the landlord.
Actually, that DID happen to me, last year. I called the landlord. She told me to call the apartment complex. They sent someone over to crawl around on my roof for a while, who then told me he found nothing and that it was probably always there and I just hadn’t noticed (WRONG).
The experience I’ve had in this apartment has gone a long way towards making me believe that I actually COULD do the homeowner thing. The previous tenant had PAINTED... like, with WALL PAINT... the stove burner covers; I was the one who had to find and order new ones, which was then deducted from my rent. The roof cap came off the chimney - I was the one who contacted the complex. Just about everything that’s gone wrong with this place, I’ve been the one who’s had to deal with it. I’ve never even actually MET my landlord. And if it’s my home, I can make it the way I’ve always wanted it. I want bloody FANTASTIC windows and screens, because then I might actually feel comfortable OPENING MY WINDOWS, despite my freakazoid phobias. I wanta digital, programmable thermostat (something I have NEVER HAD, as a renter), so that I can actually save myself $ on heating and cooling costs instead of just throwing money away and waking up either too hot or too cold. I want to pick my own light fixtures instead of living with ones installed in 1986. I want wall sconces in the bedroom instead of table lamps taking up space on my night tables. I WANT WOOD FLOORS INSTEAD OF CARPETING. I’m not picky – laminate is fine; I just don’t want to be allergic to my bloody apartment anymore. And the STAINS, my GOD!
So... yeah. I think... I think I’m ready. Scared as all get out, but ready. I think. Maybe.
And maybe, just possibly, I’ll be able to get it to the point where I actually let people come over.
It could happen!
I mean, me being me, there’s bound to be a couple of places that aren’t ready for prime-time; that’s why I want at least 1.5 bathrooms and a workspace. ;-) But it’d be awfully nice if I weren’t utterly ashamed to have people over, for a change. My hope is that if I can keep my disaster-like tendencies confined to a couple of spaces, I can make the public ones (or the ones I hope to make less private, like the bedroom) less horrific.

Yeah, re: the numbers...
Can’t we just skip it?
Pretty please?

Saturday was pathetic. Worse than pathetic; I ate like a pig. I was feeling awful, and sorry for myself, and bored on top of that, and... well, emotional eating got the best of me in a big way. I’m a little uncertain as to why my activity numbers were so low, though; OK, no, I didn’t work out, but I did clean the heck out of the dining room (which SOOOOOOO needed to happen, but wasn’t nearly enough). I did spend a lot of time being ill, though. I didn’t track my food that day. I didn’t even guesstimate; I was too ashamed of myself.

Sunday was far better. I did estimate dinner (we went to a nice restaurant in Princeton, where I had grilled jumbo shrimp in a gluten-free lemon/butter/olive oil sauce, with a side of garlic smashed potatoes that I had some of but didn’t finish, and about 1/3 of a house salad; since I don’t know what the nutrition info on any of those things was, I stole similar info from SP user postings from Red Lobster, Wegmans, etc.), but everything else was legit.

And that’s going to about do it for me, for today. As if that wasn’t enough. LOL!
Hope everyone has a lovely day. Failing that, hope you get through it in one piece. ;-)
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