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Shamrock 5K, 90 lb weight loss, and pants, oh my! A mind/sugar shift.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The concept of losing 90 lbs seems so foreign to me...but here I am, living proof. I can't deny I've lost that, although no one at work know just how much I've lost. 90 lbs? Ninety pounds.

Over the last month my work pants (which I bought in January, size 12) have been getting baggier and baggier, and I've had to belt them. Then Thursday I threw them on with my belt and fuuuu....the belt I bought in January had no more holes to fit. So I had to switch belts because it was too big on me. Easy fix though, I'll punch a couple extra holes. But still. I walked into work and a coworker looked me up and down.

She: It's time for some new pants.
Me: I know! Is it that obvious?
She: Yes! *laughs*

So I dived into my 8-year old stash of smaller clothes that night, hoping to score some pants. I had 2 pair left. They didn't fit a couple weeks ago when I tried them on last to see. I crossed my fingers.
One pair were size 11's, which I had worn often at the smallest size I remember being 8 years ago....which was about 20 lbs lighter than now. Also a pair of size 10's, which I may have bought when the scale started to creep back up slightly and I was determined to fit them. I never wore the 10's as they never fit me. Until now. 8 years later. 8 year old sized 10's. *fans myself*
*heart palpitations*
I have a picture of myself in the 11's somewhere, I will have to pull it out and see if I do indeed look similar. I must if I can fit them now. Here is a picture of me in the 8 year old sized 10's on Friday:

Don't mind the sweater, I know it is too big on me.
SO I went shopping Friday night with a friend. A woman cannot subsist on 1 pair of cream-coloured work pants alone, I don't care that I may only wear them for 2 months or so. I needed another. I am loving going shopping now. Things fit. Lots of things fit. For example- the size 8 pants from the same store I've been buying all my pants from, and medium tops!!! SIZE 8! MEDIUMS! ME! BOOM!
Well, vanity sized 8's...seeing as the 8 year-old 10's/11's also fit. ...which are probably vanity sized from the couple decades previous. I digress.
So I bought some clearance sweaters as well. Can't go wrong for about $10 each- buy one get one at $1. Ha! So now I actually own some sweaters/tops that fit....for now.
Thing is, I don't own any more pants in any smaller sizes. I never fit into anything smaller 8 years ago. I have nothing more to compare to. I have to start forming a mental idea of what I will look like for the next almost 30 lbs. I have no frame of reference.

I could write a whole blog about this weird shift in my frame of body reference, but I'll condense it for now here as it stands. I lost weight about 8 years ago. I gained it back and then some(!). Folks- it's easy to gain weight. Terribly easy. Especially when you give up on your healthy eating and working out and revert back into old eating habits. Anyways, on the way back up the scale 8 years ago I saw myself as the slimmer me. And then a rude and harsh fat reality set in. I wasn't slim anymore. And that was stressing and depressing. And I ate more. Which made me even more obese. And I didn't view myself as slim anymore and I wanted to hide. Do calories count when no one sees you eating them? Why yes, yes they do. No matter how much you wish they didn't, your body always knows and shows. So now this time losing weight I've viewed myself as really overweight (when I did open my eyes to that reality). I've viewed myself as bigger than my friends. Than all of them. I was. But even with 90 lbs lost I still have/had that view. Until Friday night, when that view shifted. My friend could fit 10's or 12's, and I fit 8's. I stood in front of the mirror in an outfit I was trying on and she walked out of the fitting room in size 10's and the same sweater I had on. I was smaller than her. I am smaller than her. When and how did that happen? Just the other day we were visiting and I *swear* I saw myself as much larger than her.

Some of my Sparklypeeps may have noticed that I lost 4 lbs this past week. I have lost 90 lbs over 50 weeks. That averages just under 2 lbs a week. February I lost 6 lbs total. February I had a week off and spend 2-3 hours in the gym almost all of the 9 days. I ate for 8/9 days on track I believe. I even added calories in to compensate for the extra working out. I gained .2 lbs. what the F? This week I missed 3 days of work sick in bed, worked out 4/7 days and ate all within my range and lost 4 lbs. what the F? Some days/weeks I don't know what happens. I just have to trust that my body is doing its thing and if I feed it healthily it will reward me.
Which brings me to the lesson portion of this blog. Lessons I've learned.
* I cut out sweets, baked goodies, added sugar and eating out at restaurants randomly with friends for Lent. Meaning I cut out chocolates, all 'unnecessary' meals out, added sugar except for my Splenda Brown Sugar on my oatmeal, and cakes, cookies, treats. Lent is not supposed to be easy. February was a rough/slippery path for me when it came to the sweets, and I wanted to show myself that I could do it. Plus I've wanted to see what going without added sugars would be like. You know what? I have NO sugar cravings. I don't crave sugar. I don't get the sugar rushes after I eat a 'half piece' of Nanaimo bar or whathaveyou. Foods have become sweeter, and my cravings for real whole foods have increased in a good way. I am not worrying now if the sugary, nutritionally void item can fit into my day.

* Did this cutting out of sugars help me lose 4 lbs this week and 3 the week before? In my mind they have. Now instead of eating the calories in nutritionally void foods I am using those calories to eat clean, delicious, nutritious foods, which the body loves. I am not mourning the loss of these foods now. I think for the time being at least, I have reached a slightly better understanding of how food reacts with my body and the effects sugar has on it.

Call it a sugar-shift enlightenment.

I am forming many new memories and images of me at this weight/size. For example:

I ran it at a 7:07 pace I believe. I ran it in 36:22. My first.race.ever. I was the one wearing pink. LOL

I have 2 more races planned. Me. Running. Running in actual races. Like, not in my head but out with people. LOL. I never thought I'd ever be a runner. But I am.
Me: 1
Zombies: 0

And for comparison:

I almost can't believe that was me. I'm proud of myself and how far I've come.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    That is so great!
    2280 days ago
    2281 days ago
    Yay you! You are doing great! I am so proud of you. Keep up the fabulous job you are doing it! emoticon
    2283 days ago
    You should be amazingly proud!!!!!!!! You are an awesome who through self-control and determination has created a completely NEW reality for herself!!!! You are amazing and have done amazing!!!! You are completely inspiring!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2283 days ago
    You have done an amazing job. Way to go!! I loved reading your thoughts about your journey!
    2284 days ago
    You. Look. Amazing. I am so inspired by your hard work.
    2284 days ago
  • JAYDEE16
    You look FANTASTIC! So beautiful! What an accomplishment, to lose NINETY POUNDS! Congratulations!

    I am so, so happy for you having that "mind.blown" moment. Seeing the reality of how far you've come is I think the HARDEST part. Even harder than the work to actually lose the weight, in my opinion. The brain is just so stubborn!! But the pictures are worth more than a thousand words, and you can't argue with hard evidence! :)
    2284 days ago
    go girl!! proud of you...keep it UP!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2284 days ago
    What an inspiration! The pictures are amazing and show the hard work and progress you have made. WOO HOO you!

    I have a little more than 90 pounds to go to my "final" goal of 150 and since I have been back on my plan and exercising the past 4 weeks (again) it is coming off every week. I am fearful of the weeks when it doesn't and trying to come up with strategies for when I stall or plateau, do you have any advice?
    2285 days ago
    You look fantastic and should be very proud of all you've accomplished.

    2285 days ago
  • LIZ1147
    Way to go! You look great!
    2285 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    emoticon achievements!!! Love the comparison pics, and love that you out shopping! It is such a great feeling when you put on those smaller sizes!!!!

    emoticon on your run as well!!!! Nice time!!! Not sure where you are hiding those extra 30 go girl!!!! emoticon
    2285 days ago
    I gave up desserts and cookies for Lent. It's only been half-working. Sugar is hard for me. But... you've given a very convincing argument and I may have to try your no-added-sugars challenge. It sounds scary but also awesome and worth it.

    Thanks for the great blog!
    2285 days ago
    2285 days ago
    You look BEAUTIFUL! Way to go! You look like you're at a really healthy weight now. I know people tell me that, too, but I still want to lose that last 15 pounds. I think I may cut out all sweets for the rest of Lent too. I had given up Girl Scout cookies but I think the sweets may have to go too. Keep up the great job! :)
    2285 days ago
    Wow! Congratulations on the pants! That is awesome! Congrats on the race too! You are doing amazing! Keep it up!!
    2285 days ago
    Bravo! Congratulations on all of your successes....and future ones too!

    emoticon oh look at that girl in those size 8s!!!!!!
    2285 days ago
    Woo hoo! 90 pounds is an amazing feat! And congrats on getting into the 8's. When you say you cut out all sugars, do you mean no bars either? I live on bars! I wonder if I could go a week without them. No fiber one bars or protein bars... hmm I may try it.
    2285 days ago
  • THEBEE59
    Woo hoo on 90 lbs GONE! That's so amazing! Keep up the good work-you are very inspiring!
    2285 days ago
    Congrats! Again, you are a true inspiration!
    2285 days ago
    I have to tell you, you don't look like you have another 30 lbs to lose! I know pictures can be deceptive and I'm not saying you *shouldn't* lose more, of course - I would never presume to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do with their bodies! I'm just saying that you look thin and healthy and athletic. You look fantastic. Even if you never lose another pound, you still look great. :)
    2285 days ago
    Congratulations, you look great!!!
    2285 days ago
    Congratualtions!! You look fantastic! emoticon on 90 lbs gone & wearing size 8's! Very inspiring!
    2285 days ago
  • IMAJEAN0178
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2285 days ago
  • WINNIE1978
    You should be very proud of how far you've come and what you've accomplished! It's great to see all of your hard work has paid off, isn't it? Congrats on running your first 5K... and for smaller sizes!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2285 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/18/2012 9:08:13 AM
    You look fabulous and you're doing great. I have a bunch of smaller cloths just waiting for me. It's true that the less you have of something (like sugar & refined wheat foods) the less you crave them. So, as my mother would say, if you don't have the first bite you don't need to worry about the second, third, etc.

    Keep up the great work! Congratulations!!

    2285 days ago
    You are awesome! Congrats on 90 pounds gone and your first race! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2285 days ago
    Congrats on all fronts. YOU look amazing and I know you have to feel amazing. That mental shift from always being the biggest girl among my friends/at work/at the party etc.. is still a work on progress for me as well. With 140 pounds lost and currently in size 8 pants and medium tops it's still hard for me to comprehend. I have 21 pounds to reach my goal weight and I will get there. Thank you for sharing your story and for the awesome motivational pictures on you page.

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    2285 days ago
    Congrats and what a great job!! keep enjoying the shopping! Glad you like it more than I do!
    2285 days ago
    emoticon Wow! You look amazing! You're doing so great. Congrats on all your success. emoticon
    2285 days ago
  • BOSS61
    Wow - good for you! The best blog I have read in some time!

    I too have clothes in smaller sizes in the cedar closet. I just began the process resurrecting a few. Looking forward to more.

    Congrats on your success!
    2285 days ago
    That weight loss is a miracle. You are a whole new person@ Remember-belts are your friend, skinny girl! emoticon
    2285 days ago
    You look great!
    2285 days ago
    You are doing SOOO AWESOME!!! SO proud!!! Congratulations!! You look gorgeous! :)
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    2285 days ago
    You should be proud of yourself. What a change - in appearance, but also in lifestyle!
    I look forward to keeping in touch when you get to maintenance - your lessons learned will be a great help!
    You are going so well! Congratulations!
    2285 days ago
    Amazing and inspiring blog :) "Thing is, I don't own any more pants in any smaller sizes." Yea boooi! How could is it going to feel to feel to buy something smaller than you own? I can't even imagine. emoticon emoticon
    2285 days ago
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