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Not familiar with this craving...to go running.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I have never been athletic. I once tried to join the track team in high school, but promptly gave up when I was introduced to the concept of "conditioning". There was a short period of one semester my senior year of high school where my friend got me to run a mile with her every other day after school and it was torturous. This was back when I was 120 lbs and in perfect shape and never worried about what I ate. In fact, I was too skinny. I don't even know WHY I ran with her...I guess just because she asked me to. Haha.

Since then, 15 years have passed and college happened (adding a healthy 25 lbs to my girlish physique). But after college, I got married and had 3 kids and gained 106 more pounds. Now, I'm well over 200 and just praying I can find it in me to get this weight off so I don't die before my kids have kids.

I have had some successful forays at working out. A couple years ago, I was working out 6 days a week for an hour every morning and I had lost 15 lbs over 2-3 months. That was 2 years ago and that was when I had my accident (practicing to try out for roller derby) and I broke both bones in my wrist, shattered my elbow and snapped my ankle. The extent of my injuries made it difficult to even operate a wheelchair. I was completely out of commission for 3 months and bones weren't totally healed for about a year.

It's been a full year since my docs declared my bones "fully healed", but I have not engaged in a real workout program, because I was afraid. Pure and simple. I'm afraid of so many things, not the least of which is re-breaks...in particular, my ankle. I twist my ankle a lot now if I'm not on perfectly flat, level ground. The thought of jogging was terrifying to me. Until I challenged myself to do it one day and found that I actually could! After that, I just wanted to keep doing more!

I bought brand new running shoes (and I thought I had researched the right type, etc) and I ran the first day of Couch 2 5K on Saturday. I was ridiculously proud of myself! But yesterday was terrible...the shoes hurt my feet SO badly, I could barely eek out the 2 mile walk and I literally had to remove them and walk home two blocks in my socks. There was THAT much pain in my feet.

So, a lot of runner friends have told me that I probably have the wrong shoes. Dammit, I paid $75 for these! Grrr. But, I ordered them online. Not smart. Apparently, there's a runners' store in town that will do all the measurements on my feet and even watch me run and figure out the perfect shoe for me.

The real shocker here is this...WHY do I want to spend so much time to do this? WHY do I want to go to this store and have some stranger watch me shake my fatness and have him fit me with what is sure to be a SUPER expensive shoe that I probably can't afford and then WHY do I WANT to do this Couch 2 5K so badly and eventually sign up for a 5K and, later on, who knows what? I HATE running. Right????

It is shocking even to me. I don't know where this desire came from. I can only think of 2 possible explanations:

1. I have so many runner friends now, not to mention a LOT of SparkFriends that have lost a ton of weight and this is how they have done it - 5Ks, Marathons, etc. I suppose I'm just ridiculously inspired by all of them.

2. I know what it's like to not be able to use my legs at all. And I know what a tremendous gift it is to be able to simply walk. Or run. Perhaps it's just a matter of actually using the gifts I've been given.

Whatever it is, it's kind of a pleasant surprise. I hope it lasts and, more importantly, I'd give anything to feel truly HEALTHY again.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    sounds like a hard day in those shoes the other day! :( they seemed like awesome shoes to me to. and i already have that brand and love it. but i found a store in town i can buy them from. my feet are so picky! i have to try on shoes first!
    maybe you could also buy a nice insert. just a 10 or 20 dollar one will work. i have found those make a TON of difference. and also break in your shoes by just wearing them around a few days.
    with a good insert (no need to pay big $$ for a good insert) and breaking them in you might be able to still use them for the running stuff. :)

    thanks for sharing! its cute that your liking running now! i hope that you continue to do what makes you happy and gives you results :)

    2228 days ago
    I agree with you running seems to be the way most Spark's people are loosing weight . Hope you find the shoes you need at a good price. Have a blessed week .
    2229 days ago
    Boy oh boy, do I relate to what you are saying. A few years ago I was asking myself the same questions. My answer was that "I love a challenge". Now, after 3 5k's, I'm just a walker.

    Regarding shoes: I went to Racquet and Jog - they are the ones that came highly recommended on here. I have been very satisfied.
    2229 days ago
    Oooh I love this blog! I know exactly how you're feeling! I hope that you get the right running shoes and get things figured out!

    I'm getting ready to jump into the same team on SP so I can start doing what I need to do in order to accomplish the 5k!


    2229 days ago
    I pray that you overcome this hurdle and can get back to your running. Such freedom!
    And, it's the perfect time of year!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2229 days ago
    we all have the hurdles we have to jump through but you have so much heart that you will overcome them all. Just curious, did you break your shoes in first? That is kinda tough on the feet so its understandable that you had some issues. Im on my phone and its hard to comment on it. Sp mail me if u need any help or questions..
    2229 days ago
    Congrats on Running...I loved to run, but I moved and lost my running buddies, so I'm slowly getting back into it.....=) Can't wait to be like you a Runner again... =)
    2229 days ago
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