1lb down, a floppity-zillion to go
Monday, March 12, 2012
Yes I lost a lb this week, which is great but a gal my size really should be losing more than that. Especially when I can put ON 7lb in a week without breaking a sweat.
I'm watching th biggest loser at the moment and the theme this year is 'No Excuses' which I love because they are making me question my own excuses. When I was laying in bed yesterday morning, debating whether I felt like going for a run or not (didn't want to do it because it's day 3 week 5 of c25k which meant a 20 minnute run no breaks) I said to myself, 'It's not the body that's lazy, it's the mind.' and I got up and did the damn workout. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, although I was repeating the above phrase over and over for the last 4 minutes!
In the evening I joined Fitness First and did my first ever Zumba class (sidenote: I think I may be the most uncoordinated person in the history of the world!) and then did 30 lengths in the pool. I'm trying to work out a schedule where I can do the classes at the gym but also keep up my running. Not sure how it's all going to pan out at the moment but I'm working on it.
I realised the other day that I am almost exactly the same weight I was 4 years ago! This was disheartening as I discovered it in a journal documenting my trials with weight loss. For some reason it hadn't really sunk in how long I've been struggling with my weight but when I really thought about it, it has got to have been at least 18 years. How can I have been hating being fat, watching food, exercising and so on for 18 years, since I was 12 years old and still be so damn fat? How can I have been watching my weight go up and up for years and yet have struggled with it so much?
It makes me feel broken. Like there is nothing I can do, I am always going to be fat and the struggle is simply to stop me getting even fatter than I am now.
I also wonder what size I would be if I hadn't been on countless diets, weight loss plans ect.
Still, the fight must continue. Maybe one day I'll actually be successful :)