1lb down, a floppity-zillion to go

Monday, March 12, 2012

Yes I lost a lb this week, which is great but a gal my size really should be losing more than that. Especially when I can put ON 7lb in a week without breaking a sweat.

I'm watching th biggest loser at the moment and the theme this year is 'No Excuses' which I love because they are making me question my own excuses. When I was laying in bed yesterday morning, debating whether I felt like going for a run or not (didn't want to do it because it's day 3 week 5 of c25k which meant a 20 minnute run no breaks) I said to myself, 'It's not the body that's lazy, it's the mind.' and I got up and did the damn workout. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, although I was repeating the above phrase over and over for the last 4 minutes!

In the evening I joined Fitness First and did my first ever Zumba class (sidenote: I think I may be the most uncoordinated person in the history of the world!) and then did 30 lengths in the pool. I'm trying to work out a schedule where I can do the classes at the gym but also keep up my running. Not sure how it's all going to pan out at the moment but I'm working on it.

I realised the other day that I am almost exactly the same weight I was 4 years ago! This was disheartening as I discovered it in a journal documenting my trials with weight loss. For some reason it hadn't really sunk in how long I've been struggling with my weight but when I really thought about it, it has got to have been at least 18 years. How can I have been hating being fat, watching food, exercising and so on for 18 years, since I was 12 years old and still be so damn fat? How can I have been watching my weight go up and up for years and yet have struggled with it so much?

It makes me feel broken. Like there is nothing I can do, I am always going to be fat and the struggle is simply to stop me getting even fatter than I am now.

I also wonder what size I would be if I hadn't been on countless diets, weight loss plans ect.

Still, the fight must continue. Maybe one day I'll actually be successful :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    30 laps of a pool and Zumba - your killing it!

    And yes I completely understand what you mean about feeling broken and unhappy with where you are at.

    And you KNOW I was like that for my first 18 months when I started sparking but therapy just turned it around for me so quickly I can not believe the -progress.

    And we all know you're as mad as a cut snake (Aussie expression:) so if anyone needs therapy he he emoticon

    Keep on going - I love reading your blogs gorgeous.
    2775 days ago
    Nothing shameful about one pound loss! Good for you!

    If you are not tracking your food religiously, I urge you. I (hanging head in shame) have not tracked for the last three weeks just out of laziness and out of hating to input what I had already ate which I knew put me at my calorie range at 1 pm in the day. Anyway, I have not lost one pound (haven't gained thank goodness and am guessing due to my walking 4-5x weekly 4-5 miles at a time). When I track, I see 2-3 pounds lost each week. And I say to myself, just imagine if I plan my meals ahead of time, how much better I can do!

    But current goal for myself is to really does keep one accountable and mindful of what they put in their mouth.

    Keep fighting the good fight! You will be so happy that you did!
    2780 days ago
    I know how you feel... ever since about 5th grade ive been very aware of my weight (thanks to a few mean jerks). i remember in middleschool and throughout highschool i was a size 11-13. then i went to college and dropped out bc i got married. By the time i realized i was completely miserable in my life's choices, i was a size 18 (and growing). I finally divorced my (now) ex-husband, went from an 18 to an 11. Then i met my new bf and dropped from an 11 to a 7!! YOU CAN DO IT!! IT IS POSSIBLE!!! Not only is it diet and excersize, but ur emotions too... and i have only recently come to realize this. It is very hard to coordinate all 3, but when you do, results are amazing. I have been slacking a lot in all 3 groups lately... and i'm back to an 11... but I have finally looked in the mirror and said "WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! get it together!" I'm working my way back to my success... and I know you can do it too!! emoticon

    PS I couldnt run 20 minutes w/o a break if my life depended on it... lol
    2780 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/12/2012 1:35:14 AM
  • XRSIZE18
    Ha! You can't be the most uncoordinated person in the history of the world because I hold that title! I remember my first Zumba class - I actually stepped on someone's foot and made them trip. emoticon emoticon But I stuck with it and now I LOVE it because I know so many of the moves. And I've lost 21 pounds basically by doing Zumba and watching what I eat.

    Weight struggles definitely follow people for life, sometimes. But I'm glad you're not giving up or giving in. One thing I've learned here at Spark People is that this is a lifestyle, not a diet. That type of attitude is what keeps me going.
    2780 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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