Taking a break for my own well-being.
Friday, March 09, 2012
I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for awhile. Something needs to change.
I haven't been attempting to meet my health and fitness goals. Perhaps there are simply too many of them. I know that several are not specific enough. But that's not the only problem. The problem is me.
I maintain several blogs. I have a personal facebook and I facebook for work. I work with the public (including the mentally ill, homeless, juvenile delinquents, addicts, and "normal" people). I help with programming and circulation at work. I talk to politicians and their lackeys. I lead a life that is more public than I ever thought it would be.
But when it comes time to work on my fitness goals, to get up and exercise, to make the healthy food choices... a feeling of guilt comes over me as I make the conscious decision to do the exact opposite. It happens every day - sometimes several times a day. And then when it comes time to blog about this I feel anxious and sick - like someone is going to scold me.
I need to work on the mental part of this more than the physical. I know I can do the physical work, but my brain is standing in my way. Am I overwhelmed? Bored? Frustrated? Depressed? Maybe all of the above.
I know I didn't blog very much on this site before, but I think I'm going to scale back my blogging even further. I think I'll start actually writing in a journal. It's somehow more comforting than typing something into a computer, even though I don't get feedback from a community for doing it.
So my new plan is to keep the running goals (three 5k's, two 10k's, and one 5k without walking), and to keep the bikini goal. I'll focus on those above my other health and fitness goals for the year. If I happen to do well with the others, that's great, but I'm not going to stress out over them.
I'm also keeping my crafting goal and house buying goal. The crafting is good for my soul, and the house buying is something I've been working towards for a long time.
The other goals? I'm gonna drop them. It's just too much. I don't have the time to work on everything.
So, please don't worry about me if you don't hear from me for awhile. When I'm ready, I'll come back and have more of a presence on sparkpeople. I'll still use the recipes and read your blogs and stuff, but I just won't participate as much.
I'll be back soonish. Thanks for all of your support so far. I'll continue to keep you all in my thoughts as we all work towards our goals.