A mistake but not one you'd think of...

Friday, March 09, 2012

So my boyfriend is amazing. Let me say that first thing. and he does SUPPORT me in the things I do. But today my real dad sent us a housewarming gift: 2- $25 dollar gift cards to go out for a nice dinner, and a Wal-Mart gift card with $250 on it. Which is great. My boyfriend was at work and I decided to go ahead and do some shopping.

I got the things he likes our regulars: Stuff for pita pizzas, milk, cinnamon rolls, ground beef, mio, and stuff to make one of his favorite dinners.. Chicken Alfredo with Fettuccine. And then I bought some things for me so I can start this lifestyle change of right.. frozen vegetables, eggs, yogurt, turkey burgers, fat free shredded cheddar cheese, crystal light, mustard.. a few basics. I also spent $20 ($24?) dollars on a bathroom scale and $1 ($2?) on a pint size mixer that will be great for pancakes (which Austin loves.) He wasn't to happy about the scale but the mixer that I spent a dollar something, he got onto me for it.

And yes this is the stupid part but I have a habit of trying to find a place to be alone when I'm upset. It helps me to just be alone and clear my head. But Austin is someone who feels the need to talk about it right then and there (which I know is logical.) He calls what I do running and hiding and acting like a child.. Which I realize yes it is similar to how a child would act. I remember when I was little in the childrens home when I would get in trouble and I would lock myself in the bathroom with ALL my stuffed animals and cry. Or hide up in the cabinet in my closet. And tonight I walked off shut every door I came to and locked the final one (the bathroom door) and sat on the floor of the closet.. and when he came knocking which was immediately like always. I didn't open the door. He took it off the hinges to get in. And of course as his logical self tried to talk to me, which I wasn't ready to talk yet. and He pulled me out of the closet and made me go to the couch to talk. But then I couldn't look at him because I was crying. (ACTING LIKE A CHILD I KNOW) So then he talked to me about how we don't have money that we can just spend on anything and how we can't afford to buy just whatever whenever.. and then he went on about how I shouldn't be buying separate food for each of us (but he won't eat vegetables at all) and how he realizes I want to eat better and be healthy but then he gets onto me for the vegetables??? I just.. I'm trying to do my best and I realize that we don't have money.. and we could have gone without spending $26 bucks on a pancake mixer and scale but the rest I feel was justified. and I really wanted the pancake mixer because he eats the pancakes but I have to make them and I never get it right when its in a bowl and it was just $2.

And earlier he was asking why I didn't get sweets, cookies, ice cream, and chips but those are things only he would be eating.. just like the soda and most if not all of the cinnamon rolls, oh and milk and mayo.

I just feel so dumb.. for the pancake thing, the door off the hinges, crying..

But God when I cry he is always there for me.. To wipe my eyes, to clean me up, and cheer me up. To tell me I'm perfect and he'll always love me and that everything is okay. He truly is great.. and makes me feel so loved when he takes the time to wipe my runny mascara eyes with his white shirt. To pull me in the bathroom (even when I don't want to go) to get a washcloth to wash my face and cool down my head and chest. And when nothing else works he will wrestle with me and literally lick the tears from my face and eyes to make me laugh. Or when my night shirt wasn't dry (I have to sleep in a very loose shirt) and he took one of his own and stretched it out to make it perfect for me to sleep in with a big big neck and arm wholes so that it was extremely lose.. He is really and truly the man for me. I just need to learn to talk, to look people in the eyes, to not be how I was raised (Silent, Shy, Submissive.)

He always knows how to make me feel amazing, he tell me when we're talking about things I always come up with things that amaze him or make him think.. because he would have never come up with the same thought. Like the other day when for some reason we were discussing how cool/weird it would be if someone invented a little robot that you insert in your tear duct, so that when you cry it's lemon-lime soda. And how people would always be making themselves cry it that were true and I said something stupid about "think of all those kids who'd have Hawaiian punch stained faces from their tears" and he just thought it was amazing that I would think something like that. Because he didn't know where the thought would have come from.

well I guess we're off to buy him some cookies
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    First off thank you both for replying:

    Busygranny4- I agree communication is vital to a relationship and it is perhaps one of my biggest issues as I have a hard time speaking out loud about anything.. and I know more than anything he just wants me to communicate with him and tell him my thoughts and opinions.

    Heat7918-as I said above to Busygranny4 I think mainly he just wants me to get better at communicating with him and i think he may think that if we don't talk about things right off then i will never talk about them period. I think that is what he fears. I know it's not childish to cry, I just hate breaking down in front of anyone especially him because he is always so sweet and caring, I don't like when I make him worry. I do agree that taking the door off the hinges is childish but i also think my locking the door and not opening it for him was childish as well. And it's not that he doesn't want me to eat vegetables because he doesn't like them its that we really don't have a lot of money right now and i think part of it is he is just used to us buying the same things every time we go to the store. He doesn't like vegetables but he does support me in my efforts to eat healthier and he told me if I really want this then he is going to hold me to it. I think mostly it may have been me not consulting him about it first. Also getting upset mixer doesn't seem very rational to me either. and when I was upset with him I had the same thought about the gift card being from my dad and it was money we wouldn't have had to begin with. But we see all things as "ours." Thank you so much for commenting and I know I deserve respect and he always respect me, I guess there are going to be a few hiccups in every relationship. But we always get through them an are made stronger because of them.

    Of course I'm not to happy about our 3 am run to wal-mart to spend $53 dollars on junk food- chips, cookies, applesauce, stuff to make puppy chow, and stuff to make smores. Of course some of those things were for me but I can see other places that $53 dollars gone. Such as gas. Or curtains. or a million other things that aren't being shoved down our throats.
    2235 days ago
    I tend to agree with the previous post! It sounds like your boyfriend may need to understand and accept your needs and desires, just as you try to consider his. Communication is vital in all relationships...
    I wish you continued success in ALL areas of your life!
    2236 days ago
  • HEAT7918
    I wouldn't say you're acting like a child if you "run & hide" - some people just need some time before they can talk about things. As long as you let him know when you ARE ready to talk, he should respect that you need that time. (My husband hates to talk about stuff, but he'd ignore it forever - that's NOT ok.) And it's not childish to cry. But taking doors off hinges feels a little immature. And not wanting you to buy vegetables b/c he won't eat them? Also not so mature. And getting mad at you for buying a $2 mixer (for him) with a gift card from YOUR dad... not rational to me.

    Sorry, I'm afraid I'm coming across judgmental and I don't know the entire situation so it's not my place. But you are a wonderful, thoughtful person who deserves respect - I just want to make sure you know that!
    2236 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/9/2012 6:09:13 AM
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