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A Bit of Irish Humor

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day!

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do, Father.' The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' 'Certainly, Father,' the man replied. 'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column 20 that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.' 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Paddy is a hoot. I loved the one about letting the Catholics cross the street.
    2260 days ago
    These are all great! emoticon
    2266 days ago
    My favorite, ah, Gaelic joke isn't Irish, it's Scottish.

    Little old lady, all in black, goes into the local newspaper and says "Me hoosband is deed. I want to put a notice in."

    "Certainly" says the clerk. "How would you like it to read?"

    "Just a few wee words," she says. "'Peter Reid o'Peterheed is deed."

    Says the clerk "Yes, well, you might want to put the time and day of the funeral or something...?"

    "No" says the little old lady. "I canna pay muir."

    "But Mrs Reid" he says "The first nine words are free. It only costs if you have ten or more - then it's two pence each extra word."

    "Och, I see - in that case--"

    The notice appeared in the paper the next day: "Peter Reid of Peterheed is deed. Tractor for sale."
    2266 days ago
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