40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 45,804


Saturday, March 03, 2012

I try to practice positive thinking on a regular basis. I always have. I try to be mindful when I eat and plan ahead as much as possible. I (my family) have just come through some horrible hell that you can't even imagine. Thanks to everyone for the kind thoughts and prayers during my son's illness. It means a lot to us and I fully believe in the power of prayer. He is doing much better now but, it was really sketchy for a while. What I find most amazing is that not on any one occasion during the whole time he was in the hospital did I feel tempted to break my new life style plan. I wasn't able to go to the gym but the food business stayed right where it should be. I didn't over eat and normally during a stressful period I would have eaten a dirty shoe covered in chocolate for the comfort. This means that I am growing and learning and I am very proud of myself. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to go to the gym to let off some steam. That's a new one on me. While I usually only weigh myself once per month, I missed the day as we were in the hospital with my son. I did finally weigh myself and boy what a disappointment. I haven't lost any weight in the last month. This brings me to today's blog.

I make a concentrated effort to see myself as the slender person I am working to be. Here is where the issue comes in. I have been overweight all of my adult life and most of my childhood. My trainer sends out a newsletter and she was talking about envisioning yourself as you want to be and how doing so can make it more achievable. I belong to the "careful what you wish for club" so I don't generally "wish" to lose say 40 pounds as I prefer to keep my legs intact. I am having a great deal of difficulty "seeing" myself in a smaller body. I think that it is because I have never had one. I have no idea what it will look like. I still practice trying to envision it. Since I can't see myself, I can create the environment in my mind and place myself in it. Here is my vision:

I am at the gym

and I am on the treadmill

as I am walking, I look out the window at the school across the street

and it is a beautiful day.

I can see the oak tree out front in full summer splendor (not bare like it presently is)

in fact, everything is beautifully green

and the afternoon summer sun is casting amber light upon the brick of the school

it is 72 degrees, sunny and there is a gentle breeze.

I can hear the sounds of the day; children at play

and they are having fun

and they are doing the things that I never really did as a child because I was fat and un-liked by the kids in my neighborhood

nearby, I can hear dogs

and cars

and the gentle hum of the city.

I concentrate on how I feel. Focus, Deanna.

You are here. All is right in the world.

and you are EXACTLY where you need to be at this very moment in time

and life is good.

I can feel myself as strong

and lean

and toned.

No longer will I allow myself to think that I am


No longer will I think

when I look in the mirror. I will NOT judge myself on standards that are unrealistic. The ugly, hateful things that I say to myself are nothing I would say to someone I love.

This is my

and I will

I will no longer allow myself to be

about who I am or who I am working to become.

I will do





until I am

and then I will do it all again.
I am no longer in a contest against myself! I am

and I feel wonderful! While I cannot physically "see" myself at the end stage of this

I can work to be the best that I can be. I will be able to do this

because I hold the light within myself

to make this happen. Sure, I may

but I am done




I am beating my

and I will be able to

with my boys! Because

and I am on the road to

Here I am! I came, I endured and I conquered

and I am a better person for it. I


That, is my vision!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post