Yesterday: Crying. Today: Hope. I am not WonderWoman!!!
Friday, March 02, 2012
Yesterday was bleak as I tried to figure out what to do about school. I spent an hour on the phone with 3 different people, crying my eyes out because I am so screwed with my health issues impacting my school work. I was diagnosed with diabetes on Jan 19th, the day before my 39th birthday. I want to stay away from meds, so I am working with Dr. McKim to get this under control with nutrition and supplements. The first thing that went was 10 pounds!!! Ya!!! The second thing to go was my concentration and I received headaches that only went away with sleep. I am not supposed to have caffeine, so my ADHD is overwhelming most days. Some days I just want to do the dishes and sleep. I finally got medical paperwork submitted and it was approved so I get more time to finish assignments and I am not deducted points for lateness. I can request an incomplete which will give me 5 extra weeks to complete my assignments. Yesterday's crisis arrived because I knew I couldn't complete the 5 weeks of work for my healthcare class while starting my next block of 2 classes in the middle of it. So, my options became very frustrating and overwhelming. When I was about to quit school, they finally mentioned I could take a Leave of Absence. Ya!!!! So, I will be submitting the paperwork for that. It will start in a couple of weeks, which will give me time to finish the classwork for the 2 classes I am in without needed to stress about starting new classes. I can take up to 180 days which is September. I have 5 classes left to finish to receive my associate's degree. Summer was difficult to get my homework finished while the kids were out of school, but I may try to return in June. Then if I need to repeat a leave of absence at the end of that block (if I need another incomplete to finish), I will have the time. My goal is to finish my degree. I am not in a hurry. It's already been 20 years. I am tired of failing. I am so glad this option is available. But I only get 180 days total for the whole degree. So, I need to use it as wisely as possible.
So, today I am good. I focused on getting back on track with sparkpeople and I cleared my favorites food list of everthing not approved by Dr. McKim's program. That took about 2 hours. Everything had to be deleted one at a time! It was therapy basically. I have been adjusting our groceries and meals, but actually removing the forbidden items from the favorites list was difficult emotionally. I realized all of the "healthy" items that are no longer allowed weren't really helpful, they just helped me get this way faster. I am basically eating fruit, veggies, meat, nuts, cream of buckwheat, and I get grade B syrup ($35 a pint!!!). But, I am getting it all done. The hardest part is sticking with it at night and when I leave the house. So, I have decided to stay home and have Jim do most of the running around so I am not tempted. I still struggle with a few things, but that is why I got back onto sparkpeople so I could get my tracker in order and start using it to help me stay on track.
I am struggling to balance school, family, and health. I am not giving up. I am doing my best. Some days, my best is not good enough, but I will keep trying.