It's time to prove yourself wrong.
It's time to surround yourself with the most positive people you know.
It's time to get down to the nitty gritty and figure out WHY? WHY do I feel this way?
I could say I have no motivation until I'm blue in the face. But what the heck is motivation, anyway? Is it the same thing as will power? Because there are days, like today, that I think I don't have any of that either. But, as I sit here brooding a teeny bit about my dinner binge, I'm getting this over-whelming surge of something that maybe, just maybe, I haven't done.... taken RESPONSIBILITY for my OWN ACTIONS.
There's no "motivation" or "willpower"... it's my own responsibility over myself, my self-control, my actions that will get my @$$ to the gym or stop myself from eating a thousand calorie dinner. I think, each day on this journey that I have begun, another switch on my circuitboard gets turned on and I start realizing things about myself that frankly, I just haven't been honest with myself about. I've been in denial about my eating habits for longer than I can think back to, but I realize now that I'm not going to be able to keep "eating my emotions" b/c I'm just going to end up killing myself. It's not easy to say "I'm a binge eater, I'm an emotional eater, and I have an eating disorder and a sick relationship with food."
As I mentioned yesterday, I'm going to seek out counseling for my binge eating and emotional eating. My biggest fear at this moment is when I go off of Phentermine in 9 weeks and I haven't addressed the emotional relationship I have with food. I am conquering the physical aspects of my food addiction, but when my emotions are running high I am weak. If I can, I'm going to start going next week. I have a few possible counselors I'm looking into. Hopefully that will pan out for me.
I really don't like ending blogs sounding like I'm beating myself up, because I'm not. I'm getting REAL with myself. So, anyways, who's downloaded Zombies! Run??? My husband and I downloaded it today and I cannot wait to try it out tomorrow! It sounds like so much fun!
Until next time....