Thursday, March 01, 2012
I am at the point I really feel like I am stumbling. I feel like I am stuck and it's frustrating. I don't complain. I don't whine. I used to beat myself up. internalize everything but I know that isn't good either. That is what led me to being almost 400 pounds. I have lost 6 pounds since December 13th. I am trying to accept the fact that I have still loss weight. However the part of me that always feel like I don't do good enough is getting louder. Just generally feel like I am failing like I am falling down. I feel like I am trying in a variety of areas but I am no where close to getting the results I want. I know some things I can't change. I have to just do my best and let the chips fall where they may. Still doesn't take away from the fact it sucks sometimes.
I just needed to let that out. not beat myself up. Know that regardless of what is happening with my weight and my life that I am giving it all I have. That has to be enough. That has to be good enough. I have been focusing a ton on cardio the last couple months. I need to build some muscle mass big time. On my off days of training I am going to strength train. My 20 minutes of activity for lent will be strength building. I feel better when I am stronger. I feel stronger mentally and emotionally when I am stronger physically. I may have fallen down but I am getting up. I will never quit on me. I can and I will do this. Life isn't always easy but it is always worth it. I am always worth it. Sometimes I just have to say it. Put it out in the world and really hear it and believe it. I am worth it. I am good enough and I can do this!