been a long time
Thursday, March 01, 2012
It's been some months since I have actively been here. I joined the compulsive overeaters team, but I have been learning something about myself that makes me question if there is any place for me on Sparkpeople. Perhaps I need to consider starting a team myself for those who are true OCD with food.
The team I joined equates compulsive overeating with binging, food addiction, etc. I believe that true compulsion, or OCD, is not about binging or addiction. OCD is a mental illness that manifests through repetitive behavior that the individual can not control, stop, or limit. If someone says, "I have to have chocolate every day" is that OCD? No, I do not believe that. Is it addiction? Possibly, but not OCD.
I think OCD doesn't differentiate between cake and broccoli, for instance. If there is a mound of broccoli on a plate, I will plow through that plate of broccoli until it's gone or I can not eat another mouthful of it. It's the same with a bag of potato chips or a pot of soup or a block of cheese - I don't seek out a specific food (trigger), and do not crave anything in particular. Food is all one to me. No, I won't go after asparagus or beets, but I don't like those foods no matter what, so no surprise there.
However, along with food addiction or binge behavior, I do need to dig deeper than the food, because this is not about food itself. Behavior is never about the manifestation, and always about the mind. When I was involved with Overeaters Anonymous, I found that the majority of any group's members weren't willing or perhaps able to make the changes that lead to a happier life. Most of the folks who were regulars at meeting had found a sanctuary and fellow life sufferers, and that became their new comfort zone. It's okay, we all need that, but it became unsupportable to me, and so I no longer go to OA.
I feel the same way about the compulsive overeaters team. I don't belong there. I know better than to think I can ever control portions or substitute whatever I'm compulsively eating for a food I won't eat compulsively because there is no food I won't eat compulsively. Compulsive eating is the only kind of eating I can do.
So, maybe it's my turn to start a team.