Feeling Down... But Definitely Not Out: Day 8
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
So today was not so great...
It started off good. I woke up early enough to go for a walk. Then got to work early... It's sounding great right? Well the co-worker we usually commute with did not go to work today and she didn't really tell us ahead of time. I had an appointment with my Trainer today at 6:40 pm. When she doesn't come to work my sister and I take the bus home. Well we missed the first bus, which caused us to miss the second bus... long story short I did not get to my session in time.
I was very upset. I even cried. The problem is that I'm not really sure with whom?
1. I know my co-worker is a flake so I really can't blame her. I should have had a back up plan.
2. I gave my sister attitude, which she really did not deserve. I was just frustrated and at the time she was the only one around me and took it out on her. Which caused me to get even more upset at myself for not being able to control my emotions.
3. I think that most of all I'm upset with myself. I trusted and let my guard down with my co-worker and I should have known better. It's just hard, cause it took me a long time to trust her again and she just lost the respect I had for her. If she knew that she was not going to come to work, she could have given me a day head's up. I'm also upset because I feel like I let my trainer down, I didn't give it my all to my session (the guy who he was supposed to train after me @ 7:00 pm was so nice and gave up his time slot for me) I think that it had to do with the way I was feeling emotional. So I feel like I disappointed him. Worst of all, I hurt my sister's feelings. I did not mean to do it. It's just so hard for me to control my emotions. I want to apologize to her but don't really know what to say. Will have to really think it through.
I don't really have the best track record when it comes to sticking things out. I almost gave up when things got to tough. So I thought that I was starting "clean" with the trainer, he doesn't know that much about my personal life and the weak person I've been all my life. So I guess I just didn't want to let him down. I don't want his point of view of me to change. I don't want to let him down. But I'm afraid that I will and I don't know if I can handle that pressure.
I thought that as time passed by the Journey would get easier, but it's not.