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Monday, February 27, 2012

Today I took a walk to the baseball field to watch my son and husband play catch. Not a huge exercise day, more of a leisure day. Got to play some games with my parents and visit my sister since today was her birthday. Then got to enjoy the Academy Awards. It was a good day.

I think it is important to spend time with our family and just enjoy eachother for a minute. I do not do this enough. I feel like I am always either working or sleeping. But I think that is the case with a lot of night shift workers. It is just hard to get on everyone else's schedule.

Tonight I am spending some time regrouping. I need to get my food back under control. I have done well with fitness this past week but my eating is not there yet. I have spent some time bingeing. Yesterday I ate an entire box of Ocean Spray fruit snacks. Secretly. In about 10 minutes. 800 calories. I hid the wrappers in the bottom of my trash can. I replaced the box with a new one when I ran to Wal-mart. Disgusting. I am disgusted. Tonight I ate 5 pieces of cheese. Pre-packaged sandwich slice cheese. Just threw them in my mouth one right after the other. What am I doing? Why I am sabotaging myself? Wow. Sorry y'all, you probably didn't want to know all that but there it is. This is what I will be working on this week.
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    I binge,too. I don't hide my binges, though. My husband is my "coach" but sometimes I feel like he is my food policeman. He sort of obsesses about how much and what I've eaten. I somehow can't stop confessing about my food intake during the day. My husband is over-weight, too, so sometimes I feel like he should be watching what he eats, too. All in all, if I slip up once during the day, I use that as an excuse to "blow it" for the rest of that day.
    I always promise every morning that it will be a better food tracking day without a binge and with one-half hour of exercise--but it never happens that way. I weigh 134 lbs. and I am 5 feet tall. My belly is like a bowl full of jelly and my waist is 36 inches. I should weigh about 115 lbs. to be healthy. Sorry for just complaining here but sometimes I just have to do that. So, its 6:00 a.m. here in Massachusetts and I can start over today. Wish me luck! emoticon
    2306 days ago

    Thank you sooo much for this blog!

    Been there done that! The only difference is that I don't hide when I binged...I call my husband and confess - like I owe an explanation to anyone. My husband never cares and thinks I'm hot irrespective of my weight.

    Your blog did make me think - and this is only true for me, I don't know about you - that I am still in an way trying to lose weight for something or someone outside of me who I feel I have to be accountable to. It's very difficult not to eat ice-cream to feel acceptable to someone else.

    Why do I confess like a naughty child? Or a sinner? Aargh!

    Ok, so you really made me think and hopefully I can work on this. I need to lose weight because I don't wanna be obese by the time I am 40, but for myself, not because I think I have to be acceptable to anyone else.


    2310 days ago
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