Sunday, February 26, 2012
Ok I know I've mentioned several times how emotional this change has been for me. And I don't know what is wrong with me I've lost 12 lbs since Jan. 4th and a total of 20 since Aug. And I'm just now starting to see the changes and my clothes are really starting to fit different. Today we moved our new dresser into our room and we were going through clothes and doing a keep and donation pile. I got to my favorite jean skirt that's been getting a little big and the last time I wore it almost walked out of it. But it's super cute and I love it. And I sat on my bed in tears at the thought of getting rid of it. My husband was really sweet and kept talking to me about what my fear of getting rid of it was. And asked me to put it on. I was able to pull it on buttoned over my pajama pants and I had to hold it up. The tears started again and he's like "happy tears?" and they weren't. I told him it's just comforting to know that if I ever get this big again I have a cute skirt. And he said so your hanging on to something in case you gain weight again. You know it's not going to happen, you've changed your eating habits, your working out. Andi your getting healthy! I think I'm scared, really scared. I've gotten thin before, I've lost loads of weight and I always end up putting it back on. I've always done it wrong too. I know this. I've only crash dieted. Nothing else changes. I used to HATE exercise because I turn BEET RED and people treat me like I'm going to pass out right there, to sweat and be sore. Now I LOVE it. I love the gym. I love moving and having fun doing it. I love that I'm meeting new people and making new friends. I got over my fear of turning red in public (I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing now), I LOVE to sweat because it means my body is burning fat, and I love when I get sore because it means that my body is changing. But I think there's that little voice in the back of my head telling me not to get comfortable like this and hanging on to being the fat girl so if it happens I'm ok with it. So today I took the first step to evict that girl. Anything that was to big went into donation. Then I pulled out my clothes I haven't wore forever because they were too tight and tried them all on and guess what? They all fit!!!! And I even have a brand new skirt that I never wore because I got to big right after I got it and it's actually loose!!! So today is the first day of me not looking at myself as "the fat girl" I'm not going to look in the mirror and criticize myself, Today I look in the mirror and see changes and think Yes, I'm on the right path! I told my Hubz I can still see some areas that need more work, but the big picture is really starting to look Great! I feel so empowered!