In the Dumps - warning, whining ahead
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sometimes having internet on vacation can be bad. A friend who I like a lot has just basically cut me (and my son) out of her schedule. I don't know if I did something wrong, or if it's just hormonal me taking things personally that really aren't personal. But, and this is the reason for writing this blog, it makes me ravenous. I want to eat like crazy. We're in a vacation home, though, and I only bought enough food to last the few days we're here. So I don't have the food to binge. But what ends up happening is that I have to actually FEEL these feelings.
I don't even know if they're valid feelings. And frankly, it's easier to smother them in food until they fade away. So that's probably my primary reason for repeat binge eating. Smothering my feelings until enough time passes that they don't hurt as much.
It hurts to have a friend not have time for you anymore. It hurts and I don't want to feel that way anymore. So, other than the food trance, anyone got ideas of other ways to forget about this? I can't deal with it while I'm here, my phone doesn't have good enough reception to call her and find out how she's feeling (irritated at me or just overwhelmed with other parts of her life). So I have to wait. And while I wait, I feel horrible. Plus I had altitude sickness yesterday, so I really feel so bingey!
I don't have any of my usual conclusions that I often get while I write. Or maybe my only conclusion is that I know I eat to smother my feelings. Not really big news, but certainly no longer a question in my mind.