DEUCE119
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 63,920
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Has anyone Seen My MoJo???

Thursday, February 23, 2012




How to begin,,,I guess just write and see how confusing I can be. LOL So many life moments are happening right now . I feel a little lost in the fray. I barely take the time to come to SparkPeople . I don't know why exactly. I thinkI've gotten lazy. When I do and I read blogs from others, I get a sense of calm and an I can do this attitude. Then it will be a few days before I come back and the feeling has left.

I have some amazing friends on here that help me thru so much. Most are those life moments that are creeping in more and more. Kids , grandkids(who live with me) my Mom, a very good friend who is sick. Seems like there is always someone pulling on my sleeve. You remember the add where the dog is tugging on the little girls pants and it shows her tan line? Thats how I feel. Most of the time I don't have the capacity to say no. But I'm getting there.

I know some of my problem is the only cardio I can do and not hurt too bad , is my stationary bike. Of course I haven't done it for a while and when I got on to start back up, I could hardly get thru a minute from the pain it caused. Now for those of you who don't know, I have had back surgery and need both hips replaced. Thats where the pain comes in, my hips. Of course I'm putting that off as long as I can. Mostly from the fear of that pain but also because the doc said to wait as long as I could. They aren't sure how long these will last so wait for it. So I have been. I do know that this year climbing the stairs is much harder then last year. I told my husband that if this keeps up , I won't be able to get upstairs to bed in a couple of years. Or downstairs to do laundry. We n\may have to move or I have surgery. He wants the surgery this year because our great insurance may take a nose dive next year. So what to do.

Now don't anyone take this wrong. I love all my grandkids. Three of them live here due to the economy and poor choices by their parents. Having two 2 year olds and a 9 month old around daily is stressful. I feel like I have been thru this once, and now I should be able to exercise when I want . That just isn't happening. My life runs pretty much around their schedules. I know , they are their parents responsibility. I get that. I guess it's just not in me to ignore their wants and needs. It's like I'm programmed and the program won't let me change it.

I do have a wonderful friend that is very sick. She does let me stay at her house for some quiet time once in a while. Or I go there because she's going thru a bad spell and help her anyway I can. Either way , it does restore some of my sanity. LOL Thanks to my husband who lets me have the time away. He works nights so we don't miss seeing each other too much. We only spen about an hour a day together anyway. hehe But still he's good about me going. I think he knows I need to go somewhere or loose it.

Now with all that said, I know that I can't let life get in the way. I am and I need to figure out how not to let it. I have lost weight before and felt great. Then I did the same thing as now. Life got in the way and stress seeped in. I am trying to get a handle on it before it gets so big that I don't care anymore. I don't want that to happen. I can't imagine moving my body around now 60 lbs heavier. Not to mention the 50 I still need to loose. So any suggetions are welcome. I know I haven't been a very good Sparkfriend the last few months. Some of my very close ones probably are feeling my lack of support. To them, I apologize with all my heart. You have definitely made this journey so much better. Just give me time to get my act together and figure out a good juggling method.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STANBUSH
    Hey. Come back. We miss you and need you.
    3125 days ago
  • HOUSECAT609
    I think your MOJO ran off with mine...hehehe.
    I knew you had blogged but was so busy with the new pup that this is the first time I had a chance to come read... See we all have things that take us away from Spark, but I truely hope this is just a pause for you, as we miss you and want the best for you. I think you have put off the hip surgery for as long as possible, time to take care of you so you can take care of your family. I am in awe, I don't think I could endure what you do on a daily basis, do whatever you have to do to get thru all the daily life and drama... we will always have a (((HUG))) waiting for you when you "pop" back in...
    And if you ever see my MOJO hanging out with yours will you please send it home...hehehe
    3196 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2012 8:33:27 AM
  • MSALOETTE
    Dear Deuce, you did such a great job of putting your feelings into words that anyone could NOT read without feeling your pain and how stressed you are over having to face and deal with it all. With that said NO ONE is going to be able to give you the answers you so would love to hear that will solve it all in one fell swoop for you. If only life were as easy as taking a pill to make it all better huh? But the one thing you can be assured of is that you are definately NOT alone. God put you here on this TEAM for a reason, it didn't happen by accident and when you are up we rejoice with you and when you are down we hold your hand and pray for you, not because we have to but because we love and care deeply about you. We have all been there done that, came here lost the weight and for one reason for the other gained some back or all of it in some cases, for a variety of reasons. With that said that truly doesn't matter what matters is that we forge forward one step and one day and one pound at a time at our own pace and that's different for each and every one of us.No one can tell you how to deal with your family to make life easier, each of us have to figure that one out on our own and when the truth be known there is NOT one mother out there who can not say she hasn't done more for her kids and even grandkids then we should have but when that mothering instinct is there it's there and it wins the battle each and every time. No shame in your game for that girlfriend. I believe the key to answers lives within you and your heart and mind will tell you what, where and when to act and you pick your battle to win your wars as they say.
    But know that you are dearly loved and cared about here among your unjudging friends will give you comfort and a place to draw strength and support from, you will never get critized here for the many moves you are required to make. It's totally unconditional and no paybacks are required either. So you take the time you need, do what you need to when you need to and come to us when you need to, one things for sure WE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU! God loves you and so do we! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3201 days ago
  • MAURIZIA
    My sweet friend, we all have our moments of losing mojo. I miss you but I too am missing - just for different reasons. The nice part of our Spark family is there is no judgment except our own. Just know we love you. Quite the opposite for me - you are one of my heroes. How you do what you do amazes me.

    We can all suggest what to do...but you will work through this...and remember. Those grandkids come first. They need you more than we do right now. So put some burden down. We will be waiting for you...like Motel 6...well, not QUITE like them...hehehe

    Hugs...hugs...
    hugs
    3207 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2244567
    DEUCE SO NICE TO SEE YOU BLOG. WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE BUT ALSO UNERSTAND. HEY AFTER ALL WE ARE ALL HERE FOR THE SAME REASON MY FRIEND. HEY MY FRIEND FEELS SO NICE TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I HAVE FOUND THAT IN YOU.
    WE CAN HELP EACH OTHE RI TO NEED TO FIND MY MIND SET.
    YOU HAVE TO START MAKING TIME FOR YOU NOW YOU TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE NOW IT'S YOUR TIME. GO FOR IT YOU ARE WORTH IT.
    START AND GET 10 MINUTES HERE AND THERE AND BUILD UP ON THE BIKE.
    WE ARE HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL JUST ASK YOU KNOW THAT LOVE YIOU G/F. HUGS,CHAR
    3207 days ago
  • MARLA7
    (((((((((Deuce)))))))))) Know this.... when you're not around you are missed very much. Our TEAM is a family & when one of us is missing we all feel it. I also have lost some of my spark & don't come around as I used to.

    I do know that you have lots on your plate & there's only so much Deuce to go around. Your family at home is your top priority... besides yourself. We'll still be around when you get your MOJO back..... some more than others. Just please don't lose total contact with us like Diane & Ted have done. That's always sad.

    Best of luck with things girlfriend. I know how you feel about the grandchildren. I go through the same thing myself. As far as the back.... mine kills me too but your's is probably ten times worse. Not a good feeling at all.

    When you hurt.... we all hurt. Please take care of YOU. Love you & miss you.
    Marla
    3207 days ago
  • KSNICKER
    Deuce my friend... first off (((HUGS))) You know that you have my support and understanding. We all go through this and know what it's like to just need time to sort some things out.
    You have so much on your plate right now. I think you are doing well to keep it going... You are doing all the things you need to do. You are a wonderful grandmother, mom and wife too... But you also need that quiet time so you've solved that one by heading to Lisa's...
    But now I really understand about not wanting to throw in the towel on the weight loss too... You know I'm in the same boat as you there with my back and now feet too... So you have to take a deep breath and sit down with DH and get a plan for the surgery if that is what you decide to do. You will feel better after that surgery and be able to better ride that bike or walk or run after them grandkids.
    Bottom Line... Life is throwing you a lot of balls right now and you are doing a great job of catching them...(sometimes I have to drop one to catch a more important one) So don't worry about us..We are here to support you.
    Just like you have done for us in the past...

    I'm always here if you need to talk/email.

    emoticon emoticon
    3207 days ago
  • BIKERBABYZ
    We all grow through rough patches and some patches take longer to come out of than others. I hope you find the strength to overcome everything you are going through.

    Yes, your grandkids are their parents' responsibilities, but they are still CHILDREN and need their grandparents too. While they are adding to the stress in your life, your being there is enriching their lives, and that is definitely a positive to think about!

    I'm sorry to hear about all your struggles and the struggles of those around you. I also hear you & your husband on the insurance aspect of surgery. We always want to put it off as long as possible, but unfortunetly, insurance does not always allow for our plans.

    I hope everything turns around for you & your family in the positive way and that you all have many smiles!
    3207 days ago
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