SARAOMG13
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints 24,031
SparkPoints
 

The chocolate heart that moved me.... and other stuff

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I've known basically forever that I'm an emotional and compulsive eater. It's a sickness, really it is. The house is all quiet, kids are in bed, husband's either in bed or at work, and the kitchen is all mine. I can remember being so hungermotional that I would just grab whatever and stuff it in my face. One time I ate 6 slices of white bread. Yeah. It was that bad.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


Lately, I have been managing a lot better. When I say lately, I mean the last 2 weeks that I have been on Phentermine. It has definitely made me a lot more conscious of what is going in my mouth. The thing that I don't like about the medication is that I'm really way under calories but I can't stomach eating more, so aren't I basically starving myself? Believe me, I have/never will want to starve myself. It's all stuff that I plan on talking to my doctor about at my follow up in 2 weeks. Meanwhile, I feel awesome, I've gone down a pants size, and I'm accepting things about my relationship with food that I haven't done in a long time, possibly ever.
emoticon (Sorry food, it's not you, it's me. Well, part of it is you, but really now...)


For example... I wasn't really feeling like a meal this evening. I cooked for my husband and kids some pasta and sauce, and relaxed on the couch while they ate. After I got my son to bed, I had a small snack of cheese and crackers. My 5 year old daughter, as usual, decided to give me a really hard time about going to bed... whining, stomping, general unhappy kid stuff. I finally got her to bed and went straight for the kitchen. I had a chocolate heart from Valentine's Day left in my fruit basket (who the heck had the idea to put it in there?!). I felt like it was glaring at me, taunting me, begging me to eat it. Hmmm... well, I didn't have dinner. I glanced at the nutritional info on the box, the dang thing was 290 calories and 17g of fat. Ughhhh. But my emotions got the best of me. I didn't even bother taking it to the couch, I simply stood at the counter, munching away on this delicious chocolate heart. That's when it really hit me.

emoticon

Why in the world am I standing here eating this?! I don't even want it! This is INSANE. So I have committed myself to finding something else, something that does NOT involve food, to occupy me after the kids go to bed. I'm going to make a conscious effort to see what triggers these crazy moments of food bedlam. What makes me so dang hungermotional?

emoticon emoticonHello!!!!! emoticon emoticon

As of right now, the only thing I have realized is that, for some reason, food = comfort to me, and I turn to it when I am ready to relax and have quiet time. This is a start, but a very small piece of the bigger picture. You'll be hearing more of this, for sure. Until next time.....
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.