ZUZUMARIE

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Frustrated as (Swear word)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sitting here at work. Frustrated. Very very frustrated. There is a box of Triscuits next to me. I ate a few, angrily, crunching hard. But I'm not over eating. This is a positive thing, I know it.

I'm so angry, and over-reacting to what is going on at work I can't be excited about this positive thing.

I'm frustrated for good reason but I am OVER-REACTING and ANGRY because I am FEELING my feelings instead of eating them. Since I stopped stuffing down my feelings I FEEL things more. I'm either laughing or crying, and rarely in the middle. It can be hard. I feel like a wildly swinging pendulum, and sometimes long for the days of being more stable. According to the "experts" these mood swings are pretty normal when one really stops eating for emotional reasons.


Eating for emotional reasons is one of the big big stumbling blocks to my weight loss. And I kind of get this now...of course I am going to eat to numb these crappy feelings. And I know, consciously that things aren't *that bad* and I *am* over-reacting. However, knowing this consciously is different than knowing it in your heart.

It's hard to sit with my feelings. Hard to just let them flow over me and know they aren't going to kill me. Feelings DON'T actually kill anyone. Sometimes it just feels like it.

The thing about eating to suppress negative emotions is that we suppress the positive ones too. Love and joy. Happiness and serenity.

I've seen this...I swing wildly positive as well as negative. Things are silly and funny and make me laugh more.

But wow. Feeling things is hard.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BECKYLIVES
    I have to agree with you on the feelings part. I succumbed to eating this last week and even as I was putting the food in my mouth I heard that little voice in my head saying NO! IT'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU! Did I listen? No.

    I think I'm making progress but this was a harder week than any I've gone through lately and so it was harder to not eat. Definitely gonna keep working on it though.

    Question: when you ate your emotions, did you truly not feel them?

    emoticon
    We'll make it! I promise!
    Becky
    3130 days ago
  • KENDRACARROLL
    Don't sit with your feelings - take a kickboxing class :)
    Hope you can work through it, it definitely is worth the effort.
    Wishing you well.
    3132 days ago
  • SUZICANDO
    We are here to support each other, so get it off your chest it will make you fill better. The importany thing is that you controlled the urge to eat because of your emotions! emoticon
    3133 days ago
  • SUNNYDJ1971
    I hope your day gets better. But I am glad you took the time to put it in a blog. It helps to get it off your chest! Be happy that you are not over eating! Be proud that you took the hard way out! Shows you are making progress! Doing a great job! Keep it up! emoticon
    3133 days ago
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