Today is Fat Tuesday. In a nutshell, this means celebrating like crazy on the last day before the Lenten season begins. Knowing 40 days of self-discipline and sacrifice lie ahead, many people follow the tradition of eating rich, fatty foods. Some people partake in other shocking forms of debauchery, but my blog isn't rated for that. LOL
This binge mentality is pretty much ingrained in me, maybe because I grew up in the land of Mardi Gras. Or maybe it's because I have food issues. Whatever the reason, I found myself CRAVING something fried, buttered, and cheesy like crazy this morning. Did I turn to my daily Made to Crave devotional for help? No. Did I do anything to talk myself out of it? No. I did what any totally possessed woman would do...I grabbed some fast food. There's a Hardee's dangerously close to work, and I ordered my go-to junk food breakfast: a cheese biscuit and hash browns. Sounds pretty harmless, right? I mean, it didn't have sausage, bacon, syrup, or anything like that on it. How bad could it be?
As it turns out, pretty bad. (Which is exactly why I thought it would taste so good!) No nutritional value whatsoever? Check. High in calories? Check. High in fat? Check. Astronomically high in sodium? Check. Check.
But this morning something wondrous happened. Instead of relishing every forbidden bite, I got really grossed out. I wasn't even half way in to my "breakfast" when I started feeling as greasy as the spots on the paper bag. Maybe I was hallucinating, but my fingers instantly felt swollen, like the salt was being pumped directly into them. And my stomach started to feel a little queasy. So I threw away the remaining half of my biscuit and hashbrowns. As I tossed the bag into the trash, a message from Hardee's caught my eye: "This bag doubles as an air freshener." The thought made me want to hurl.
So as I write this blog entry a hour later, feeling nauseous yet still a bit hungry, I can't help but wonder: Does this change in perspective mean I'm REALLY breaking through my food issues? Is this real progress masked as nausea? Is this victory parading itself as repulsion? I think so. Not finishing a meal was a big achieivement for me, and my physical response was interesting. My body was definitely telling, no, screaming something at me, and this time I'm listening. So no binging for me on this Fat Tuesday. There's got to be another, healthier, way to celebrate.