Standing alone against negativity
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Some pretty negative things have been going on in my life as of late, for one, I recently broke up with one of my best friends. Why you might ask? Well, I don't feel like going into much detail but we have been dragging eachother down for a long time. So much distrust built up in the relationship that we became toxic. I guess that that is the way that it goes sometimes. Anyways, now that negativity is gone and although I feel angry at times, especially when I talk to our mutual friends, I find myself not thinking about her as much as I did right after all of this happened. I've made the conscious decision to acknowledge that I am/was angry but that I don't want/need to hold onto that.
Something that you should know about me is that I rarely ever, EVER confront people on how they treat me. I learned the passive aggressive route where as, when someone who has done something to me calls and starts talking to me I'll act like I'm pissed but when they ask I'll say that I'm not and when we are done with our little awkward conversation I would ignore them. This however, seriously stresses me out. This is something I realized recently was not healthy, SO... Last week one of my friends had said that they were going to go to a movie with me and later that night I called him, and he didn't answer so I was annoyed. But to top it he ignored my texts for the next few days and then today he called me and started talking to me like everything was fine. At the beginning of the conversation I found myself leaning toward my usual passive aggressive style but then, for some strange reason, I got a burst of courage and basically said that I was upset over what had happened (of course he was pissed and the chances of me ever hearing from him again are slim, but the point is that I stood up for myself and it felt right). I stood up for myself and I feel right about it. I'm not boiling inside and again obviously that negativity is gone from my life.
I feel like this is a good step in my life, maybe? I have horrible luck with finding positive friends. For some reason I attract people who have goodness, don't get me wrong, but are not mature or are not working on becoming a better person. So our friendships don't last long. Sigh, oh well, it's time to move on and find friends who are at the same stage that I am at. Time to shed this shell and keep growing. Do it like a hermitcrab bay-bay! lol