My Negative Block
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I don't know why but I have had such a negative attitude lately. Could be Feb is always hard on me, could be we are plagued with Drama at work. Could be that my boy's are really having a rough time getting along right now and my almost 10 year old has that AWFUL Tween attitude. Thought boy's were supposed to be easy. Mostly it could be I miss my husband, he's been working 7 day's a week now for several months. And weekends suck because we never see each other. Friday I leave for work at 7am and between his 2 jobs I will get to see him on sunday for a few hours before he has to work again. He just got monday's off so that helps but it's really hard trying to do everything myself. The boys miss him and they take it out on me. I just feel like the only time I'm not stressed is when I'm at the gym and lately my 7 year old has been making it really tough to go. He's the kind of child who will make it impossible to do anything if he doesn't want to do it.
I feel that all of this stress and negativity is keeping me from seeing the positive things. And I noticed that I'm a big Jerk to people. I have a friend at work that just lost 57lbs and she keeps telling me "your looking good! Whatever your doing keep it up!" and instead of thanking her I respond It's still not enough. How rude of me! So the other night I was thinking about that and I thought how awful of me. So I made sure to apologize about my less than polite response and told her that I will make a better effort to graciously accept compliments. It's always been a hard thing for me. I've never been good at getting attention. But then I was thinking about the big picture and I started getting sad...I realized I'm not seeing the results I "should" be seeing. Someone once told me "should" is a poison word because we get hung up on the should and now the IS...and it's the IS we should focus on. But here I go with the poison...I spend between 4.5 and 6 hours a week at the gym, I've changed my eating habits and have even given up my beloved Coke Zero except for a once or twice a month treat. And I feel like I should have lost more than 10 lbs and 2 % of my body fat since Jan 4th. I talked with a trainer today that said I should be loosing no more than 2 lbs a week to maintain a healthy weight loss. If I go by that then I'm right on track with the 2 lbs a week for 5 weeks. I don't know I guess I'm just waking up expecting all this fat to fall off. And while I started my gym journey in november I really only got super serious about it the last week of december. So it's really only been about 6 weeks. And another thing is this is the first time in my life that I'm doing this as a lifestyle change. I've alway's yoyo dieted. I know I could do atkins and drop a ton of weight quick. but I also know that I'd put it right back on as soon as I started eating normally again. I didn't realize this was going to be so hard on me emotionally. UGH!!!