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Discouraged Blog is Discouraged

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Well, okay maybe not exactly. Just hitting a wall I had hoped I wouldn't hit I guess.

So I got some news before I left work on Wednesday morning. That last hour or so of work was actually rather eventful with news from several fronts (most of which I had to keep under my hat since major announcements were happening during the day...I expect to hear ALL the fall out when I go back in Saturday night, and I don't expect it to be pretty).

But my boss called me to his office with some bad news before I left, news that means I need to make some pretty hefty decisions in the next few days. Basic gist - the severance I'd been selling my soul for (by doing things completely against my moral values like locking down my facebook page and signing away my civil rights so the company I currently work for can stalk me however it the spirit of "It's just a little longer, I can hold my nose a little longer") is no longer on the table. So now, it's deciding whether that's it and I give 2 weeks on Saturday, take things public and make them fire me, or wait a little longer to give us a little more cush...or what. Don't want to do anything stupid, but can't continue selling my soul to The Devil. So...pondering is.

Which of course made sleep elusive when I got home. My "sleepy meds" (Nyquil) were no help, ibuprofin didn't do anything for the "twitchies", even reading to make my brain sleepy took a while. I know I didn't get to sleep before noon. So when the alarm went off at 4pm I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Hard. I tried to wake up and shake the yuck for about 20 minutes, at which point I called my daughter and told her I just wasn't up for it - the headache I woke up with was one of my pre-migraines, and any kind of exertion was going to kick that sucker into high gear.

This HAS to stop. Too many things are getting in the way of training lately, which puts me at risk for injury as I'm not keeping my mileage up in order to build the endurance I need for 26.2 miles.


SO, lots to think about over the next few days. I know I've been eating my stress the past 2 weeks and I'm a little afraid to step on the scale (which I can't do until the kids upstairs return it to me tonight anyway, so I'll assess the damage tomorrow). I am NOT surprised all this is happening just after I hit the cusp of uncharted territory regarding my weight - it's not unusual for us to sabotage ourselves when we get to our lowest weight ever along this journey. But I refuse to let "typical" stop me - I intend to break through the mental barriers and come out on the other side. I just need to make some decisions and shake this thing off.

Oh, and in "this isn't helping my mood" news - it's not looking good for getting Sparkpeople on the backs of our race shirts for the Heart Mini folks, unless four more people magically sign up by midnight tonight. Considering the number of reminders I've sent out and the crickets I've gotten in response, I wouldn't count on it. Sorry guys, I tried. I think next year I'll just join the Healthplex team. I'm done with trying to organize things.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wish I could send you a box of "instant solutions," but I can't. I can just say that I know you are strong enough to sort through all of this. Hang in there!
    2618 days ago
    I am catching up after being away from SP all week. I have been working 12 - 14 hours a day during our 'busy season'. No recognition for all the good work - only bs when I am not perfect. I have also had to give away my rights - as in my password to LinkedIn so that they can do email blasts on my page. So, I am dying to hear what you decided! I love this morning's blog but was hoping to hear what happened at your job.
    2619 days ago

    I have no advice. I don't know your finances and I don't know your job options and, ultimately, that's a decision that only you (and 'yote) can make. But I really, really hope that something positive comes your way soon and you move onto a better place because this is beyond the pale. And the stress can't be good for you.

    2620 days ago
    Geez Eu! I wish I had some words of wisdom to spout in your direction but I got nuthin'! I can't believe how some companies are treating their employees. It is like this stupid administration is giving them carte blanche to treat "we the people" like servants. It is frightening. The world is changing and it doesn't look like it is changing in a good direction. Hang in there. Keep your head high. emoticon
    2620 days ago
    That is real tough working for an employer that sucks! I hope things improve for you soon.
    2621 days ago
  • MSBLT82
    Those are some tough choices... good luck emoticon
    2621 days ago
  • K1TT3N
    Sorry your having a rough time. Hang in there you will make the right choice for you.

    2621 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    This just sounds crappy - I'm sorry!! Hoping you can stay strong and get your walks in - if I lived nearby I would come and grab you for a walk!!! It would help us both!! And I would definitely sign up for the walk with you if I was there!

    Sending you lots of emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon !!
    2621 days ago
    You know where we are if needed! Eu there is a lot going on all over believe me. I just don't like to blog so my stuff is all hidden.......
    2621 days ago
    emoticon emoticon and more hugs emoticon to amke u feel better !!!!!!!!!!
    2622 days ago
  • no profile photo JNIEPORTE
    It is going to get worse instead of better. They also look at alternative lifestyles if you know what I mean. They dont have to follow the same rules about freedoms as fifth third did, Take it from someone who was injured by them after busting my butt and health all year. emoticon
    2622 days ago

    And you can double, triple, and take those hugs into infinity, if necessary. I so wish I could wave my magic wand and make it better, but I know you're a strong person (even if you don't feel like it right now), and you'll make it through. It may not be pretty, but you'll make it.
    2622 days ago
    That sounds like a nasty situation. I don't have any great words of wisdom, just get out and walk when you can. Even short non training walks. Throttle back the intensity a bit when you get to the gym, maybe. I don't know. SP has an interesting article on walking meditation. That might help. Remember you got buds here. Good luck.
    2622 days ago
    Sorry things are so rough right now. I wish I could go to that marathon but, alas, we are in a bad financial situation, so we cannot make it to one until at least June :(. I wish I could do it and have had a wonderful sparkpeople logo shirt. SIGH.

    2622 days ago
    Well, that was the toughest dilemna I have ever read anyone blog about - what a hellish spot to be in! You gotta look out for yourself as well as decide what the right thing is. And as far as training goes, be sane about the demands you are putting on yourself and recognize that this kind of stress isn't just garden variety attitude problems you can process with positive thinking! So expect this process to be chock full of worse stuff than you are used to. Oh, and the Team not having SP on 'em - hey, so what. I was a nice idea. Not everyone gets into the rah-rah team stuff. You can be your own cheerleader! Seriously, You are doing well, so be gentle about the food issues!
    2622 days ago
    UGH! I wish I could make all the stress disappear for you. I do know that whatever happens you are more than strong enough to get through it and come out even better.
    2622 days ago
  • MISSG180
    That's a tough decision. Hang in there. Consider what your next job situation might be before making any bridge-burning decisions.
    2622 days ago
    Ugh, you certainly do have a lot to keep your mind twirling instead of it letting you sleep. I'm sorry to read about all this stress in your life.

    I wish you all the best in making your decisions regarding the work situation; it certainly sounds like way more than most of us have to face with jobs. Stress was a big part of why I decided to retire last year; but, it wasn't caused by the reasons that you hint at. Yikes! What a lot to deal with you have.

    I'm sorry to hear about the Mini Heart underwhelming response. I'm out of town that weekend so it's not an option for me.

    Hang in there.

    2622 days ago
    So sorry things suck right now. Sending hugs and good energy across the miles!
    2622 days ago
    Saw you were discouraged and wanted to dro by with a little hope!

    You certainly have a lot going on. Remember though. emoticon .
    Give it your emoticon when it comes to fitness and nutrition. It will help you beat the blahs!

    Abba Father, I pray that EUPHRATES would seek you for the wisdom needed to walk through the situations at work. Father You promise to order our steps. I ask that You would be a lamp unto Euphrates feet and a light unto their path. IJN Amen! emoticon
    2622 days ago
    Sounds like a lot is going on. An FYI: If an employee quits a job, it is unlikely that they would then be able to access unemployment benefits. If a person is fired from a job and it wasn't for obvious, egregious situations, or the company did not document the concerns and efforts made to get things on track, then it would be more likely the person could qualify to receive UI benefits. In the best of all worlds, the best thing is to get a new job while you are still working.

    Hope this info helps in some way and things settle down soon.

    emoticon emoticon
    2622 days ago
    Wow, I wish I had the magic words to make it all better but I don't....if you need me, call me!
    2622 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    Vent-vent-vent. There are no easy answers and the training honestly is probably the least of it.

    Fingers crossed and knock on wood
    let things work out the way they should.
    2622 days ago

    I got nothing to say that would help, sorry. Just here to say, "I hear you," and give you a virtual hug.

    I hope everything settles at work soon... after all it can't go on forever. Then everything else, it appears, will fall into place.


    2622 days ago
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