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Monday, February 13, 2012

December 31, 2011, my grandmother passed away. Since then, I've been busy trying to clean out all the junk she left behind.

I'm not talking about heirlooms or antiques or even keep-sakes. I'm talking about J-U-N-K! She kept everything. She kept old aluminum foil, old rags, clothes from the 60's and 70's that she couldn't wear, let alone WANTED to wear. She had shoes that were still in the boxes. She had clothes with the tags still on them. Jar lids and old newspapers. (If you've ever seen "Hoarders" you'd understand. She just had these things packed away so that no one could see them.

I'm almost done with the cleaning, but I still have to go through my own closet and dresser drawers to get rid of clothes that I CAN'T WEAR ANYMORE!!!!!!!! (That's a great thing, no?)

Today I did Just Dance 3 for 45 minutes. It's the first time this year that I've done any Wii. I did count the really heavy house cleaning as exercising, though.

My life has changed drastically, and that really scares me. I don't adjust to new things very quickly and my friend who is helping me doesn't understand that. (Men don't usually understand why women do whatever it is we do.)

If I could say one thing to my grandmother it would be, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Did you really NEED to save used tin foil?" Oh, and one more thing, "Those flowers you accused "S" of killing are coming up now. I told you they would."

Losing someone is hard. We do have to get on with our own lives, but it's still hard to do. I miss her and I don't. How do you deal with those mixed emotions? I feel guilty when I don't miss her and sad when I do. (But I always feel guilty about something. That's just the way I am. I blame myself for everything and think I should have control over more than I do.)

"S" insists that I lose the weight. He worries about my health. But, for an overweight diabetic with mental problems, my health is pretty good! lol

I worry about my health, too. It's not as good as it used to be. I'm getting older and I know my body is wearing out faster and faster. I do want to enjoy life before I'm too old, or sick, to care. I do not want to be like my grandmother. I don't want to sit around waiting to die.

It's the middle of February and I'm making a new resolution. I WILL change my life, no matter how much "Me" wants to keep things the same!

Am I the only one who fights amongst herself?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KAREN608
    I battle myself all the time.
    2985 days ago
    Thanks. It's good to know that I'm not alone in my "insanity." lol
    3173 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4578194
    Nope I do the same thing. But I too, have resolved to stop beating myself up, stop blaming myself for things that are out
    of my control. And most importantly, stop being the obstacle in
    my own way! Good luck to you.
    3173 days ago
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