Friday, February 10, 2012

I had an epiphany of sorts tonight. I've heard that when you are over-weight there is emotional baggage that is seemingly stored in the fat, tucked away to be forgotten - lost deeper with each bite. When you eat your emotions instead of feeling them, I can understand how that could be. So what happens when the fat starts to disappear? Perhaps it starts to seep out little by little?... I was an emotional eater for so long, and have been working hard to change my life around, so far I've lost just over 50lbs. One of my changes have been that I've been using healthy coping techniques for my stress as opposed to eating, but some days lately it seems to be getting the better of me. I was feeling like this was new... my intense emotions. Confused, and frustrated, overwhelmed and tired – anxious even. Except now I wonder if my emotions have always this way over the years but have just been kept masked by food... Emotional eating is vicious cycle that many are familiar with, stress=eating="happy"? It was always just a facade though, it was never real relief or happiness. It was artificial, as artificial as the food I was consuming. Is it possible that I've 'forgotten' how to really feel and work through my emotions? Perhaps, this is my new struggle – and I accept that. I am not hiding behind food anymore and I'm proud of that. I am dealing with my emotions head on – whatever that means. No matter how difficult this feels some days, I am FEELING it, not EATING it. I am healthier than I have been in a long time, and this means in mind and body but I am far from done yet... as I work through this to learn more about myself I will only become stronger and better for it. I know I need to work on not internalizing everything and being able to dismiss things more easily so I have insight on where to start. I need to nuture me a little, and remember to look in the mirror - reflect on these matters, working through these emotional matters are just as important as working on the physical. I look forward to meeting the 'me' that is on the other side of this.

On another note, I tried kickboxing tonight with my sister, Ash. Both of our first time... and it was awesome! High intensity, and fun! The music was perfect for keeping the flow of the class moving. I don't think that we stopped for more than 30sec! Whoa! The instructor was great too - she was really enjoying it, and you could tell. We did 45 minutes of cardio and then slowed it down a little for the last 15 minutes of the class and finished up with some ab work, pushups, stretching/yoga moves. It was great! Ashes work has made an accommodation for her to have coverage on Friday's so that she can be off in time to make it to the gym for this class. I'm looking forward to next week!!!

The plan this weekend - gym tomorrow morning; groceries tomorrow instead of Sunday so that I have time to prepare some meals and veggies for the week ahead; gym again on Sunday afternoon - I would like to get in the pool on Sunday, still haven't worn my new suit.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Excellent insight: "stress=eating="happy"? Might be a good sign for our refrigerators .. or cars?
    2629 days ago
  • -SONIA-
    I need practice in Feeling it, Not Eating it, too. I think this year WILL be the year I master this! You're doing great! Thanks for the blog! emoticon
    2629 days ago
    Yes we can over come all things when it comes to emotional eating!
    2630 days ago
    What a great NSV to get a grip on the emotinal eating.
    I too am working on not " internalizing " everything. Knowing where to start and when to finish is key.

    You are doing an amazing job, 50lbs is great! Keep up the good work. Enjoy ur kick-boxing! emoticon
    2630 days ago
    Good for you for working on your emotional eating. I struggle with it too. Kickboxing sounds awesome!
    2630 days ago
    You are so right about facing your emotions, rather than using food to avoid confronting them. I'm not sure I would have regarded myself as an 'emotional eater' - but something about your blog rang a bell with me. When I am not hungry, but still want to eat (and often high calorie/low nutrient foods) - I think it is really another need I am trying to satisfy.
    I am going to try to remember this! Thanks
    2630 days ago
    Congrats on starting to get a lock on your emotional eating and getting in tune with hunger. It's something I continue to work on and still don't have a great balance on. But one day.

    emoticon Kickboxing rocks!
    2630 days ago
    I so understand how ur feeling!!! Today I didnt eat out of emotions and that was SO hard and stressful! I felt every single eotion I felt today and didnt 'hide' in food. I wanted to. I even caught myself going to the kitchen without realizing what I was doing. But I stopped, took a deep breath, and regrouped. I wasnt hungry, I was stressed. We can do this! We can conquer our emotions! Love your quote - feel it, not eat it! emoticon
    2630 days ago
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