I Am FEELING It, Not EATING It
Friday, February 10, 2012
I had an epiphany of sorts tonight. I've heard that when you are over-weight there is emotional baggage that is seemingly stored in the fat, tucked away to be forgotten - lost deeper with each bite. When you eat your emotions instead of feeling them, I can understand how that could be. So what happens when the fat starts to disappear? Perhaps it starts to seep out little by little?... I was an emotional eater for so long, and have been working hard to change my life around, so far I've lost just over 50lbs. One of my changes have been that I've been using healthy coping techniques for my stress as opposed to eating, but some days lately it seems to be getting the better of me. I was feeling like this was new... my intense emotions. Confused, and frustrated, overwhelmed and tired – anxious even. Except now I wonder if my emotions have always this way over the years but have just been kept masked by food... Emotional eating is vicious cycle that many are familiar with, stress=eating="happy"? It was always just a facade though, it was never real relief or happiness. It was artificial, as artificial as the food I was consuming. Is it possible that I've 'forgotten' how to really feel and work through my emotions? Perhaps, this is my new struggle – and I accept that. I am not hiding behind food anymore and I'm proud of that. I am dealing with my emotions head on – whatever that means. No matter how difficult this feels some days, I am FEELING it, not EATING it. I am healthier than I have been in a long time, and this means in mind and body but I am far from done yet... as I work through this to learn more about myself I will only become stronger and better for it. I know I need to work on not internalizing everything and being able to dismiss things more easily so I have insight on where to start. I need to nuture me a little, and remember to look in the mirror - reflect on these matters, working through these emotional matters are just as important as working on the physical. I look forward to meeting the 'me' that is on the other side of this.
On another note, I tried kickboxing tonight with my sister, Ash. Both of our first time... and it was awesome! High intensity, and fun! The music was perfect for keeping the flow of the class moving. I don't think that we stopped for more than 30sec! Whoa! The instructor was great too - she was really enjoying it, and you could tell. We did 45 minutes of cardio and then slowed it down a little for the last 15 minutes of the class and finished up with some ab work, pushups, stretching/yoga moves. It was great! Ashes work has made an accommodation for her to have coverage on Friday's so that she can be off in time to make it to the gym for this class. I'm looking forward to next week!!!
The plan this weekend - gym tomorrow morning; groceries tomorrow instead of Sunday so that I have time to prepare some meals and veggies for the week ahead; gym again on Sunday afternoon - I would like to get in the pool on Sunday, still haven't worn my new suit.