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My heart is hurting

Thursday, February 09, 2012

So much has happened to me in the past few weeks, months, years... I've blocked a lot out because I couldn't deal with it all at once. I took control over what I felt I could and left the rest to providence. Recent events have forced me to take a look at my life. I've been avoiding this and numbing myself so I could continue facing the trials of "everyday living." Granted, as soon as I begin to pull ahead something else tries to stand in my way. In the process I've taken a few steps back but because I am a WARRIOR I'm going to continue moving FORWARD! The most difficult step for me is to feel the pain and move through it. I'm doing this.. taking it hour by hour. But my heart is hurting...and maybe that's a good thing because it lets me know I still have a HEART even though I thought I had lost that too. I'm trying to stay off the computer and have a life.... I'm trying to get out more even though it's tough when funds are low and my friends live a distance. Thankfully I have my daughter... but I try to encourage her to go out with her boyfriend and her friends and not worry about me (one of the reasons I put on my game face ... I don't want her to worry about me...but she still does... I know it's because she loves me so but she is young and should be out enjoying her life and not worrying about mom!)
I'll make it through this ...I've been through tough times before. One big lesson I've learned from Sparkin is that you have to take small steps...just keep moving forward. This applies to so many aspects of life..not just diet and exercise. But diet and exercise are the starting points.... make the physical being feel its' best so you have the strength to deal with the rest.
So I have been eating healthy and trying to exercise more frequently. I've been pretty successful with both..but I should be helps so much to "really" know ..but, as I said, I'm trying to stay off the computer, do different things when I'm at home and get out more. This isolation I've put myself into the past few months has not been good for my spirit, or my waistline.
I thank all my Spark friends for continuing to support me even though I haven't been much support for you. Your comments do help me more than you know. I'll pull it together....and I promise I will be there to support you when I am able. Right now my heart is hurting sooo much and I have to move past this first.... and I will...because I'm a fireball with a lot of spunk! I'm just having trouble completely connecting with that part of me right now. But it's there.. I see glimpses of it all the time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    God bless you and keep you strong. I came by your page by way of my dear friend Tsisquausdi...she is very dear to me and makes me laugh almost daily. I don't know exactly what you are going through now...but I can tell you first hand..what doesn't kill you in the process...only makes you stronger and actually I think a better person in this world. Hugs and best wishes are being beamed to you across the cosmos! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3269 days ago
    That is right Warrior Woman...small steps. emoticon

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    3271 days ago
    Don't lose sight of the fact that you are a beautiful and amazing woman! Try to find something that gives you joy each day, not someone. Your happiness lies within you - find it, tap into it, and you'll find that you'll attract other people that want to share your joy and happiness!
    3272 days ago
    I'm here and I care! Please keep taking good care of yourself and know that your heart is going to be fine. It is healing right now, even though there are moments and days where it doesn't feel like it. I know it is healing because you are choosing to survive and to truly live. That heart might not allow you to rush it, but believe it is coming along fine.
    3273 days ago
    Ah the good old heart - and the not so good hurting feeling. I gather perhaps this might have to do with the last blog and the guy you met? What I have learned in singlehood is that we have to have tough skin to protect our hearts... It's a delicate task of finding that balance so we don't close ourselves off to the possibilities... There's often a lot of sleeze through the forest we have to muddle through to find that sunshine.

    If I am wrong in the WHY you're hurting ... well - I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to where you are being a single mom - and having to do my best to make thing OK despite the challenges, but like you, I keep moving forward... and you know what?! Eventually the momentum chnages and things DO shift. You too will get there my friend. I'm here anytime you need to talk (by email if you want at

    3273 days ago
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    Stay strong..sparking definitely helps and blogging about it as much as possible. WTG with sticking with a healthy diet and exercise even in a stressful time. emoticon
    3273 days ago
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