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Evaluating my Priorities - (with pics)

Monday, February 06, 2012

I know that I haven't fallen completely off the wagon, however, I do feel like I've become a bit more lax in my efforts. This doesn't fly with me. I can't afford to be in the maintenance mind set right now. I have so much left to lose before I can even consider what that might include. So I have to re-prioritize, remember why I got to where I was in the first place, and why I NEVER want to go back there, EVER, EVER again.

Long term goals:
-Lose 67 more pounds. This would put me at my first goal of 190. I will reevaluate if I want to lose further after that. I don't know if 190 is possible. I'm so tall and have a large frame... I don't know if 190 exists in here. The Wii fit says to be at a healthy weight I should be 148. HAH! Never gonna happen!
-Become a size 18 or smaller.
-Run a 5k

Medium term goals:
-214 pounds. The weight I was as freshman in HS. 1/4/01 – To be this weight again would be amazing. I know it was never any less than that after that day. It only kept rising from there.

Short term goals:
-Lose 100 pounds. 237. 20 more pounds to go!
-Work on Jillian Michaels 30 day shred as daily as possible.

Ways to get to where I want to be:
-More veggies and fruit
-I've gotten a little lazy on the eating out thing... this is how I got to where I was... no more of this! Only on special occasions. (Subway and Panera don't count... those are my “healthy” places)
-Stay around 1700 calories a day. One cheat day around 2000 calories.
-Start weight lifting more consistently. Right now its about 3 days a week. Bump this up to 4 (or every other day, no matter whats going on) And do it for about 45-60 minutes.
-Start alternating walking days (on incline only) and elliptical days. Elliptical at least 10 resistance for 30 min straight.

Often times we read in blogs on this site about how we didn't realize we looked so bad. This is true with me as well. I didn't think I was THAT girl. The fat one that hid behind her baggy clothes and sense of humor. Now that I've shed 80 pounds, I have this confidence that I wasn't sure existed in me. I'm starting to wear clothes that are fit and make me look good with my new curves. Before it was baggy sweatshirts and the same pair of jeans (I had 3-4 of the same exact pair of jeans because I thought they looked good on me. They didn't. They just stretched to fit over my chub.) We all wonder how we got there... I know exactly how I got there. Whole boxes of brownies and no portion control, what-so-ever.
I'm the one on the left... I thought this shirt looked good on me, hid the fat. Nope. Just made me look like a balloon. 337ish pounds.

I don't remember the last time I weighed 257. Probably because when I was there I was only there for a minute, climbing up the fat ladder. It was a daunting task at 337, thinking about losing 150 pounds or so. Now its just life. I'm actually doing it for me and am sticking with it because I can't give up. Not again. Not after I've come this far. I love the compliments and the looks that people give me even though they don't say anything. If I give up I've just let myself down and let people know that I'm always gonna be that fat girl. I don't want that. Not at all.

Again, the one on the left, about 68 pounds down here.

I'm still so scared though. This journey feels like it is going to be never ending. I'm going to have to watch my food intake for the rest of my life. Maybe not counting calories and writing them down, but at least still be diligent about my working out and eating right. But I suppose, nothing in life comes easy, right?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AKIMA06
    I have two pairs of jeans that are just about to fall off of me but they are the only things I have to wear and I don't want to go out and look for more that fit until I am a size smaller and I have jeans to fit then. I just feel like it is never going to happen. Thank you for being you and blogging what you have.
    2240 days ago
    You look so great!! Thanks for the comment on my carlyshrinks blog :) You're going to hit 100 lost before you know it. I'm a little behind you, with 25 lbs left. How exciting for us both! I'm also doing Jilian's 30-day shred. I was attempting to do it everyday, but with my half marathon training, I'm not doing it on my longer run days. That's just silly... haha Keep in touch, you have been such a huge inspiration to me since I met you on the Sassy Smith Apples team :)
    2290 days ago
    I can totally relate to looking at before picture and thinking, "is that me?!" However, you have made awesome progress! Keep fighting...It is so worth every minute of it! emoticon
    2291 days ago
    Great job on the eight loss. You look beautiful
    2295 days ago
    Keep working hard I kmow it feels dauting but you can do it. I am here if you need me.
    2296 days ago
    You are doing an amazing job, and I have no doubt you'll continue to do an amazing job!
    2296 days ago
    What a great blog! I know how it feels when you think your journey will never end, and in a way, you're right! Life is a journey that never really ends, and each day is a new one.

    I think you have a great plan to refocus yourself. We all have times when you need a 'mini-break' to remind yourself why you started making all these positive changes in the first place.

    2297 days ago
  • JESSICA2281
    "I had 3-4 of the same exact pair of jeans because I thought they looked good on me. They didn't." Hahaha, I do the EXACT same thing with pants! I sometimes say my closet looks like that of a cartoon character because it is all the same crap.

    Congrats on your success!
    2297 days ago
    So glad you wrote this. I'm sure it was good for you to write but it also benefited me. We have similar concerns and similar issues. But I know that we will get through. You have always set a standard. Look at what you've accomplished so far.

    I like how you used the word "chub". That's such a dirty word but that's exactly the right word.

    You will succeed. I'm right there with ya.
    2297 days ago
    you have done so much you will continue and meet all of you goals and surpass them keep up the great weight
    2297 days ago
  • PANDAS10
    I really relate to your blog - there are definitely similarities between our starting weights and goals. I, too, am tall (6ft) and large framed...the bmi chart wants me to weigh around 160-180lbs, which I have no doubt is far too small for me, especially if I intend to maintain any muscle mass. I think the BMI chart should only be used as a suggestion, but not a rule.

    I think you are doing great - refocusing and keeping your eyes on the prize. Because you are conscious of your efforts, you will no doubt be able to reach your goals and that consciousness will be what sustains you for the longterm!
    Keep up the great work!!! emoticon
    2297 days ago
    You will meet your goals - given your determination and your specific steps. I know you'll continue to move along your path to a healthy weight. Great job!!
    2298 days ago
    I love your honesty and determination.
    2298 days ago
  • JESSICA2140
    Thanks for sharing the pics of your journey!! If it helps...I'm pretty tall too (5'11"), with a "large" frame (I did the wrist measurement test...if your wrist measurement is over 6", you have a large frame), and a fairly muscular body type. From copious amounts of research and using online calculators, I THINK I'm "supposed" to be about 180 to be in normal range...maybe you fit in that range too?
    2298 days ago
    You have gotten so far! I am so proud of you!! I can't wait to see your 100 lb loss blog and so much more success!!
    2298 days ago
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