Monday, February 06, 2012
I have been being good, I've been eating well and I've still been doing my Wii Fit and walking but I've not been tracking it. I've started to do Slimming World. My mum does it so I can get support from her and then she can help me with it too. I find it hard to weigh and measure and then track them. With Slimming World you don't have to do all of that and I find it easier. Sure it's hard to work out what to have for lunch, making healthier choices, finding the money for it etc etc but it's slightly easier to work out stuff due to the fact I don't have to measure and weigh. Provided I can make the meats lean, then I can eat as much as I want. I can as many eggs as I want, I can eat fruit and veg and pasta and potatoes til they come out my ears and for that I'm grateful. I was so caught up in weighing and measuring that I didn't eat enough and I'd worry about the food I did eat. I still do that but not as much.
I guess me and food are always going to have that love/hate relationship with each other.
Otherwise in my life, money is still a problem. My girlfriend is still depressed/suicidal which makes me depressed. I don't know how to help, other people aren't helping and it just seems that I'm there to make sure she doesn't kill herself, you know? Add work on top of that and it's a big ball of meh. I'm just fed up, I'm tired of fighting, tired of being what everyone wants me to be because I'm not sure what, or who I am still. Things are hard, and I'm trying, and I'm meditating and exercising but it still seems that I can't accept myself, it seems other people don't even if they say that they do... it seems that I can't be perfect for everyone, or myself.
I'm just really depressed just lately and I'm not sure what to do anymore.