Monday (again)

Monday, February 06, 2012

I have been being good, I've been eating well and I've still been doing my Wii Fit and walking but I've not been tracking it. I've started to do Slimming World. My mum does it so I can get support from her and then she can help me with it too. I find it hard to weigh and measure and then track them. With Slimming World you don't have to do all of that and I find it easier. Sure it's hard to work out what to have for lunch, making healthier choices, finding the money for it etc etc but it's slightly easier to work out stuff due to the fact I don't have to measure and weigh. Provided I can make the meats lean, then I can eat as much as I want. I can as many eggs as I want, I can eat fruit and veg and pasta and potatoes til they come out my ears and for that I'm grateful. I was so caught up in weighing and measuring that I didn't eat enough and I'd worry about the food I did eat. I still do that but not as much.

I guess me and food are always going to have that love/hate relationship with each other.

Otherwise in my life, money is still a problem. My girlfriend is still depressed/suicidal which makes me depressed. I don't know how to help, other people aren't helping and it just seems that I'm there to make sure she doesn't kill herself, you know? Add work on top of that and it's a big ball of meh. I'm just fed up, I'm tired of fighting, tired of being what everyone wants me to be because I'm not sure what, or who I am still. Things are hard, and I'm trying, and I'm meditating and exercising but it still seems that I can't accept myself, it seems other people don't even if they say that they do... it seems that I can't be perfect for everyone, or myself.

I'm just really depressed just lately and I'm not sure what to do anymore.
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  • BRANDI1809
    3359 days ago
    It's a really tough spot to get put in - trying to maintain your own emotional stability when your friend is depressed.

    One of the key things, and it is HARD to do, is to not join in the depression. Your friend's feelings and emotions are not yours. You can feel sympathy, compassion, empathy for your friend, but you need to hang onto the positives in your life and the good emotions you have.

    I remind my friend regularly and often that I am there for him, that I care about him no matter what, no matter how up or down he feels. He can't just "quit feeling bad", so I don't bother trying to tell him to. He isn't going to "see the light" and suddenly feel happy if I can just find the right words.

    Depression does not work that way. There sometimes are no right words, so I try to avoid arguing or minimizing the stresses and emotions he is feeling. (I'm not as successful as I'd like to be at that.) All I can do, sometimes, is ask questions and listen and let him talk. Other times I can ramble off into stories of things that temporarily distract him from being mired in his own thought.

    Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call a crisis center if your friend is suicidal. Threatening to kill oneself is serious, a cry for either help or attention, and a crisis center can make sure that is provided in a way those of us who are friends or loved ones are not equipped for. Certainly, the friend may express anger or animosity at thus being "reported", but in the long run with the help they clearly needed, they will see that you honestly wanted to help them. Far better that than a friend who succeeds in an attempt when we didn't think they'd really go that far.

    3360 days ago
    Depression is so hard to deal with when both are spiraling out of control. When I get to feeling hopeless and suicidal, it helps that Sabrina offeres to listen or just hold me. A lot of weight falls on her shoulders because she is the bread-winner of the family and has to constantly repair stuff. Which is discouraging for her. Sometimes I have to promise her that she will see me in the morning, or when she comes back from an errand. She if she will promise from hour to hour. Agree that you are stronger together, as a unit. We four have in common, mixed gender issues which can separate us from society. But I am finding that there are plenty of supportive folk out there. Hang onto your quirky creativity. Steampunk will see you through. It's great about your Mum supporting your weight loss efforts. Keep MOVING!
    3360 days ago
    LadyLois has wonderful advice and it's even better b/c she lives with depression.
    I have no words of advice,I"m sorry. But, Lois right-you cannot take responsibility for your gf.
    3360 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6097965
    Gosh. A of pressure there. This might help (cut and paste):


    It was recommended to me by my doctor - it's a cognitive behaviour therapy site. It can help with depression and low mood and anxiety.

    The other thing that has helped me, and again recommended by my doctor, is hypnotherapy. Now I understand that afording to see a local hypnotherapist is something you cannot do right now (and it's not available on NHS). However, if you can scrape a few quid I would suggest buying a Paul McKenna book & CD - I Can Make You Happy or perhaps the Instant Confidence.

    I only recommend McKenna because I use him myself and his stuff is very similar to the stuff my hypnotherapist gave me. I am wary of using someone is not reputable - there are a lot of hypnotherapy downloads and CDs you could try if you wanted.

    These two things have helped me a lot. The first step was going to the doctor though - I don't know if you are already being treated for depression - but I would seeing the doctor and getting some medical advice.

    As for the girlfriend. I assume she is under some medical guidance. I have to be blunt and say that you cannot control nor be responsible for anything she may or may not do. The only help you can provide is to suggest she get medical advice as her medication or whatever is not working. You cannot make her go to the doctor, you cannot make her do anything.

    If your doctor's surgery offers free counselling, I would definitely give that a try. You need support. You need professional support.

    Depression. I've been there. I often return. BUT I know I can get out of it, once I realise. There is always hope and always something to try. However, you can only control yourself.

    Good luck.

    3360 days ago
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