Poor pitiful me.. or NOT! NO MORE FARMVILLE!!
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Well I see my last entry here was sept 2009 and at that point I weighed 257. I have gained 52 pounds since that last entry. Day before yesterday while having my talk with God He spoke to me with determination that I should hear him and pay attention.
My excuse of fulltime college and fulltime work just did not make the cut with him. I have too many excuses. Working night shift was supposed to give me more time for my studies but I used that time friviously and got myself hooked on Farmville, it is such an addicting game and I went whole hog. Just like I did here when I first started on 07 and lost over 100 lbs. When I think about this now it just makes me sick how much time I wasted, and not just time but I spent money on that stupid game.
Now from 2+ years of sitting on my you know what and gaining that 52lbs I am like an old cripple! I have arthritis in my right hip and I need to have hip replacement. I used to walk 3 miles a day minimum and now I am lucky if I can walk thru a store. I don't know what went on in my mind that I let myself get dragged down into this horrible palce I am in now but I do know that I will not settle for living my life this way.
Farmville app has been deleted from my facebook. I immediately came back here, where I know I will get the support I need. I am strong but I cannot do it alone. We do not have a local weight watchers or I would be doing that as well.. but I did it here once and I WILL do it again!
I graduate college in june. I will be the first person in my family to do this. I want to move to Alaska (kenai) this summer so I can be near my kids and grandchildren. I spent a couple weeks there over the holidays and was so miserable I couldn't do much with the kids. I hate that! I had to use a wheelchair to get through the airports.. How disgraceful that I have done this to myself.
I tried walking in the pool but for the next 3 days I could barely walk. I have discovered that I can swim without being in pain so that and chair exercises will have to be my main form of exercise for now but I can and will live with that. It is extremely hard to get into my shower.. this has turned out to be a blessing! God does work in mysterious ways indeed! This means that I have to go to the community club for showers and that's where the pool is so not going swimming is not an option.
I used the food tracker today, this was such a focus in my life before. Another GOOD thing I let slip away. I have to start my day with it from now on so I can see exactly whats going in as an actual number. I don't drink as much water as I used to either. Sometimes I am in so much pain that I have a hard time holding it so I got into the habit of not drinking as much but that has got to change as well.
I am thankful today for God, he listened when I asked for guidance. I am thankful to Sparkpeople that I could come back and see that I am still here. I have so much to be thankful for and now I need to pay it forward. I went back to school so I could better help people in the community and somewhere in that process I lost me and what I needed most. My health.
I let fear of failure take over. School was scary at 53yo. Now I have to wonder what in the world was so scary??? There should never be a fear bigger than losing your own good health.