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Poor pitiful me.. or NOT! NO MORE FARMVILLE!!

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Well I see my last entry here was sept 2009 and at that point I weighed 257. I have gained 52 pounds since that last entry. Day before yesterday while having my talk with God He spoke to me with determination that I should hear him and pay attention.

My excuse of fulltime college and fulltime work just did not make the cut with him. I have too many excuses. Working night shift was supposed to give me more time for my studies but I used that time friviously and got myself hooked on Farmville, it is such an addicting game and I went whole hog. Just like I did here when I first started on 07 and lost over 100 lbs. When I think about this now it just makes me sick how much time I wasted, and not just time but I spent money on that stupid game.

Now from 2+ years of sitting on my you know what and gaining that 52lbs I am like an old cripple! I have arthritis in my right hip and I need to have hip replacement. I used to walk 3 miles a day minimum and now I am lucky if I can walk thru a store. I don't know what went on in my mind that I let myself get dragged down into this horrible palce I am in now but I do know that I will not settle for living my life this way.

Farmville app has been deleted from my facebook. I immediately came back here, where I know I will get the support I need. I am strong but I cannot do it alone. We do not have a local weight watchers or I would be doing that as well.. but I did it here once and I WILL do it again!

I graduate college in june. I will be the first person in my family to do this. I want to move to Alaska (kenai) this summer so I can be near my kids and grandchildren. I spent a couple weeks there over the holidays and was so miserable I couldn't do much with the kids. I hate that! I had to use a wheelchair to get through the airports.. How disgraceful that I have done this to myself.

I tried walking in the pool but for the next 3 days I could barely walk. I have discovered that I can swim without being in pain so that and chair exercises will have to be my main form of exercise for now but I can and will live with that. It is extremely hard to get into my shower.. this has turned out to be a blessing! God does work in mysterious ways indeed! This means that I have to go to the community club for showers and that's where the pool is so not going swimming is not an option.

I used the food tracker today, this was such a focus in my life before. Another GOOD thing I let slip away. I have to start my day with it from now on so I can see exactly whats going in as an actual number. I don't drink as much water as I used to either. Sometimes I am in so much pain that I have a hard time holding it so I got into the habit of not drinking as much but that has got to change as well.

I am thankful today for God, he listened when I asked for guidance. I am thankful to Sparkpeople that I could come back and see that I am still here. I have so much to be thankful for and now I need to pay it forward. I went back to school so I could better help people in the community and somewhere in that process I lost me and what I needed most. My health.

I let fear of failure take over. School was scary at 53yo. Now I have to wonder what in the world was so scary??? There should never be a fear bigger than losing your own good health.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KKWOOD80
    So Glad you are back! Good for you realizing what was keeping you down. You can do this, stay on here keep track of whats going in and keep track of what your doing to get it off. There are spark people apps which make it easy if you dont get a chance on your computer. emoticon emoticon We got your back sista! If you need a pick me up or feel yourself getting into a rut tell someone. We will help :) Im so happy you are back!
    2811 days ago
    Wecome back! Hugs!
    2812 days ago
  • SPEEDY143
    emoticon back... I saw your blog while huddling on the Grandmother's Fitness Club page. I joined SP 19 months ago at 326 pounds so our paths have not crossed since you've been gone. But now we can journey together towards similar June goals. emoticon on your upcoming emoticon and possible move closer to family. I will be celebrating my 2nd SparkVersary and 65th birthday healthier and happier than I started emoticon

    emoticon Linda
    2812 days ago
    Last time I was here I lost 50 pounds and regained them all plus 20.... I am down 55 again and am much smarter this time... taking it slow and steady .... I am in no real hurry but am coming on almost a year of control! Feb 28 2011 is when I started back and I still am strong. The holidays did have me backslide a bit, but I signed up to do the Susan Komen walk again just this weekend and am begining to train... If I get 5 pounds off in 2012, I will be very happy. I was going to be "Nifty by Fify" remember? Well, I am 53 now... I know how you are feeling... my first blogs last February were very apologetic, I felt like a slacker and felt like I should hide from Sparking... uh... hello! this is where people understand! You are going to do it again... but as I recall you were Mega strict.. I learned that this is not good for me.... deprivation is not the answer!

    I am in and out all the time as I am in the middle of a job search and spending all my time trying to figure out how to make it all work!
    2813 days ago
    Welcome back,i have missed you!!!!Are you still on facebook??Let me know i will add you!
    2813 days ago
    you are in the right spot . we need to all have a closer walk with our center . true center . when we become clear what that is then we start and do everything we need to do to make it right . In our hearts we know the path . yesterday my sister in law had a party to celebrate her wedding anniversary . Her children gave them the party . it was a buffet style . serve yourself . I did well . or at least i think i did . I took one cup green beans . one chicken leg . not fried boiled . one roll . one cup of tea . no sugar . my hubby brought cookies to the table and i passed on them . now usually i eat and can not stop so i think i did well . you are going to be fine . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2813 days ago
  • 2008LYNN
    Our paths again parallel. We started here together, lost weight together up to 2009, slacked off and gained weight, now we're both ready to get back on our Spark paths. Check if there is a chapter of TOPS in your area, similar to WW and been around for over 60 years. I hope they have one because I know you would love it.

    So glad to have you in this with me again. emoticon emoticon
    2813 days ago
    It very easy to get wound up in our lives and lose track of us. I have to use the food tracker everyday or I WILL eat things that are not the best choices for me. I just logged my food from a birthday party yesterday and it was ugly...but logging it keeps me honest. Keeping the weight off is a challenge but we are all here to support you. Focus on small goals with your exercise and log all of your food. You can do this!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2813 days ago
    Sounds like me minus the Farmville! We will gain back the ground and lose that 100 pounds again.
    2814 days ago
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