Even girls can be the bigger man

Saturday, February 04, 2012

I've been reading "Push" by Chalene Johnson. It's a self help book to try and get your ideas going and teaches you how to take things in steps. I bought it because the author is my shero. But I'm reading it because it's good so far. Anyways after each chapter is homework that you do.
Yesterdays homework was to list 10 things you would like to accomplish within 12 months, but things you really have to step out of your comfort zone to do. I got 6 right away that I want want want want want to do but after that I wanted to get creative.
For some weird reason I put down "Get closure with James."
I really want to just say it is what it is with him but the fact is I have to see him every night I work. And it's getting more and more awkward to pretend like we both can't see each other or to see the other person coming and go the long way around instead to avoid them. It's just stupid. It's childish.
I was going to scratch that goal out but I decided to keep it. I thought it for a reason.
So tonight I went in and first thing... we ended up parking next to each other. I didn't even realize I had parked right next to him. But instead of just walking towards the building, he waited till I was a halfway to the doors before he started walking.
About an hour later he was at the drinking fountain when I went to fill up my water bottle. Instead of going to find a new drinking fountain, I stood behind him and waited. He stopped filling up his water halfway up the bottle and just walked off.
At break he dropped a dime on the floor. I was only a few feet away so I reached down to get it for him but when he saw me go to get it he walked off. I just left it on his machine when I got back from break.
At the end of the day we all have to wait by the time clock to punch out. He was standing there facing the opposite way of me. I decided if I was going to try for this goal I couldn't keep putting it off. So I said "Hi James." while I reached around him to get my time card. When he turned to see who it was I smiled at him and said "Sorry, didn't mean to move you, just needed my card."
And guess what he said...

"Are we really this mad at each other or both being idiots?"

to which I said "I have no clue what happened. But I don't think I was ever really that mad. Just really confused and hurt."

He didn't say anything to that, just clocked out and went home.

You know what I hate about guys? They don't talk things out. They just expect you to read their mind. Now I have no clue where we stand. So I guess I'm just going to keep saying hi to him when I see him at work and have him make or not make the next move? I just want to know how he went from brother to enemy. And then I just want to forget it all. I don't even really want friendship from him anymore. I just want to be able to stamp case closed on the box.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Eh - we arent all idiots. I will say that for guys - talking about things is a "learned" thing. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I say good for you in how you handled it - reaching out and taking that first step is always the hardest one to do. After that one, others seem to come a little more naturally. And from the guy perspective again - the fact he admitted to being an idiot (even if he pulled you inot that statement) is one of those acknowledgement things that says , yeah, he's ready to start moving forward. Just keep doing what you are doing. In my book its the simple concept of - Kill 'em with kindness.
    2838 days ago
    Hey there...........stopped by via Liz's feed........your title intrigued me! First let me say,Bravo to you! I think it is awesome that you "took the bull by the horns" (oh, maybe that is a great analogy for getting through to a man.......LOL) and said what needed to be said. I am sort of equally impressed that he summerized your interactions thus far down to one sentence! Clearly, he has been bothered too. So, I do believe you have opened the door, and as Liz said, he is processing. I think it would be surprising if that didn't lead to a resolution (aka case closed) for both of you.

    Men are interesting creatures. I have usually found that men are much better at "calling it out" than women, who tend to analyze things for way to long (yes, me included for sure~!) So, wishing you all the best! I can tell that you are so smart, cause it takes a smart woman to know when enough is enough!

    Take care,
    P.S Love your background..........read the Donut book to my son as a kid, it used to be one of his favorites! :)
    2839 days ago
    He's in his 'man-cave' (Yes, Bob & I are in the middle of reading "Men are from Mars & Women are from Veuns"). This is actually a really good sign. He didn't engage in a verbal debate of 'he-said, 'she-said', instead he took your words into his heart for quiet consideration. He's processing. We would talk it out...he's thinking.
    Boys. Annoying...and take the long way to a resolution, sheesh.

    I'm proud of you. My tummy would been doing flips trying be sweet to someone that was so mean and sour and then when asked that question to be so clear with your response....WELL DONE, girlfriend, well done!!!
    2839 days ago
  • SIZZLE78
    Good for you for taking the first step! I don't think I could do that, even if I did work with the guy. Men always complain about women being hard to read or understand, they are just as bad. Keep saying hi to him whenever you pass him in the hall or see him at the time clock. This shows that you are acknowledging the big, white elephant in the room. Maybe, eventually he'll come around. Good luck!!
    2839 days ago
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