Thursday, February 02, 2012
There is a little voice inside that says 'you're fat' or 'you're ugly' or 'you're a failure'. Images in the media, on the web, reinforcing that the only 'desireable' person is one who is skinny and absurdly fit, and that desirability is the only measure of a person's worth. People who are all too eager to point out your flaws, if not to you directly, than to other people you know look just like you, and therefore their conclusions about their unworthiness must apply to you too.
So you try to diet, and exercise, and become worthy. To not be a 'failure' - one of those 'lazy' fat people (never mind the hours you put in at work, or all the other things you do; if you're fat you must be lazy). To be desireable and therefore acceptable. Any setback is shameful, a failure, proof that you are unworthy.
That is a poisonous, poisonous way of thinking. For if you are unworthy and undesireable and lazy, (and you must be, otherwise why are you fat and unfit), then why bother? There is a spiral there, one shame leading to another until you don't care any more. You've internalized all that negativity and believe it.
Well, at least I did. I'm not worthy, and I never will be worthy, so why bother.
That's a lie.
You don't eat well and exercise to become worthy. You are already worthy, and deserve to eat well, and to let your body move and stretch to its fullest potential. You are worth feeling energetic and happy about yourself. If you fail along the way, its just one day, one slip, its not the end of the world, and you are not unworthy because of it. Nobody is perfect all the time, and if you don't expect perfection from others why do you demand it from yourself? You are worthy, so the next day is a new day and do what you do because you are worth it. You are worth the effort, the exercise, the new recipes, the time, the energy.
I'm worth it.