My cousin makes me cringe

Monday, January 30, 2012

I had to stop following my cousin on Facebook. She went from really good kid to I just just wanna open a can of kick butt on her. She's very self destructive. She treats my aunt like crap. My aunt is disabled, no money, terrified every day that she'll be homeless. My cousin had a party around maybe half a year ago in the house that they were about to sell and DESTROYED IT. I mean holes in the wall, cement down drains, furniture torn up, stuck random things down chimney pipes, pulled down fixtures. They wrecked the house. So I went off on her. My aunt is just stuck living in this torn apart house, no furniture, couldn't sell it anymore. It's horrible. But she did nothing to my cousin. And my cousin didn't pay for a damn thing, instead she moved into an apartment with a friend. All they do is get high and drink and I'm scared as to where her money comes from. So I've just washed my hands of her. I try not to think about her. She doesn't want my help, fine. I can't do anything for her.
So today her sister posts a picture on facebook that says "Please pray for my sister, I'm terrified." The picture is one that I guess my cousin had taken of herself where her bones are literally sticking out. And under it is all these comments from guys saying "looking sexy, can't wait to hit that, lemme feel on that" and stuff that makes me sick.
Normally I'd panic over her. But I've hit that point that I just wish she would disappear. I know that makes me a horrible person but I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I can't even say I love her anymore. We used to be really good friends and I'm just done.
So right now I'm just praying that I can change my heart on this and that we can get her help. I know that's what she needs. I'd hate myself if she died and I let my pride get in the way of saying something to stop this. Sorry, vent vent vent.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Treat her because of who you are not because of her behavior. You will figure it out.
    2847 days ago
  • REEKU731
    I have to agree with what everyone else has said so far - you can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped. She is enjoying the life she is living but eventually she will hit rock bottom and realize that she's lost her family and true friends. At that point, it will be your decision to help her or not. You aren't obligated to try to force her to change.

    I know you still love her to some extent - because she's still causing you an emotional reaction (even if its negative). If you didn't love her, you really wouldn't care what she did. But you can't force change upon another person, she needs to do it on her own and hopefully she will get there before she does any permanent damage
    2847 days ago
    You can't beat yourself up over it... people will not be helped unless they want to be helped. My mom and stepfather went through something similar with my stepbrother. They tried everything, and he still went off the deep end. After spending several years in prison, he finally has some contact with them again, but not with me. I don't talk to him. He hurt me too many times when we were younger, and while I've forgiven him for it, I'm never going to let him close enough to allow anything like that to happen again.

    Unfortunately, sometimes people dig their own graves... I know it's hard, but you have to take care of your own family first. Hopefully she'll get the help she needs and you two can have a relationship again someday.
    2848 days ago
    I have to agree with CECE0330 you can't help someone who doesn't want help. What you can do is be there when she does hit rock bottom. That is when she is going to need her family the most. It sounds like her sister is needing some support too. The addiction is a nightmare. What addiction does to the family of the addict is even a worse nightmare. They are on the outside looking in an feel helpless untill the the addict is ready for help. You will be in my thoughts and prayers along with you cousin and family.

    2848 days ago
    That's a really hard situation. I feel the same way about my brother. He's a drug addict and has stolen from my mother (she has MS and sometimes uses pain medication) several times. Each time she has forgiven him and he just does it again. This last time she said it's enough. She's done. We're all done. He gets better and starts going on the straight and narrow and then takes advantage of her. We're done. Good luck and hang in there. Hugs!
    2848 days ago
    She used to be good then is behaving badly is usually a sign of forced abused. Possibly she's been raped. It sounds like she's still in shock by her out of character behaviour. She's numbing the demons. She needs help facing them.
    I'm going to go against the flow on this one only because I've been her.

    Love never fails.

    She doesn't come before your husband and children or at the expense of your sanity, but, don't give up on her. Where would any of be but for second (or fiftieth chances)? Telling her you know she's out of her character and running from something, but, that you're willing to help her out of that pain...share my story ~ there are happy endings down here. There is healing.

    2848 days ago
    You have to walk away, but so does everyone else. Until then she will keep doing what she's doing. You can't change how she's running her life, which is painful. Do what you can to help your aunt and pray that your cousin asks for the help she needs.
    2848 days ago
    Hang in there. There is love there. We just put up walls to protect ourselves when we are in fear for our loved ones. Praying she has reached the place where she'll get some help and if not I pray it happens soon. emoticon
    2848 days ago
  • CECE0330
    The sad truth is, you can't help someone who doesn't WANT to be helped. Period. I guess try to stay open to helping her if she approaches you, but unfortunately, she's likely going to have to hit rock bottom and make some hard decisions before she pulls herself around.
    2848 days ago
    My husbands entire family would make me panic if I let them. His brother and sister both use drugs and are both sick, all of Paul's (grown) nephews don't have much to do with us... and I've learned to just let it roll. If there were anything we could do for any of them, we would have done it by now. I tried, I failed, I saw the light.
    2848 days ago
    Sometimes we just cant help the ones we do love and yes I know that you do still love her in the corner of your heart(like I still love my mother despite it all....in a very small corner of my heart). You are a wonderful person and dont you ever forget that!
    2848 days ago
    I think that we get to a point where we have to self protect - I would venture to say you still love her and if she came to you for help you would help her. But right now she isn't looking for that and would probably horribly backlash at you if you offered to help. Don't feel like a horrible person because you aren't. I hope that she is able to make it through this dark time of her life ok.
    2848 days ago
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