Scale why do you hate me???

Monday, January 23, 2012

Ok for this self-help plan I have to weigh myself once a week. Today was that day. I couldn't do it. I was scared. i didn't want to feel they way I felt last week. What if I gained. I am currently at the heaviest I have ever been and feel utterly disgusted with myself. I don't think I could handle if I gained anymore. I mean how much worse could I feel about myself. So like a chicken I turned around and walked away from the scale. I was actually afraid of it.

Later while I was talking to my mom (who lost 40 lbs with quick weight loss) why I was gaining. She said maybe you are not doing the things that need to be done to lose weight. After thinking about it I said, " I don't want to eat rabbit food and I don't want to have to monitor everything I eat all the time. I want to eat what I want. I want to eat normal."

I couldn't believe I actually said that. A year and a half ago I thought the starve/binge cycle was normal. I felt like my mom was telling me I have to give it up. My sweets, my junk food, my binges and I was actually clinging to it. Like an addict. Like who was she to take that from me. I know it sounds so weird but that was what was going through my head when I said it. I never realized my relationship with food was this messed up. My fear of gaining weight but my dependency on eating to make myself feel better. It's a sad cycle.

Tomorrow I will face try to weigh myself again. Please be nice to me scale.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Remember the scale shouldn't be your only means of showing progress. try using measurements as well. the scale has been really cruel to me lately even shown me gaining weight but I have actually lost inches and lost fat percentages according to the body fat measurer at curves. so the weight I am gaining is muscle weight according to my trainer. so make sure to be using other measurements besides the scale! Be nice to yourself!
    3376 days ago
    If you want to stop being over weight & start being healthy you need to start facing up to the truth.If you cannot handle the truth when it comes to weighing yourself then you will not have the strong state of mind that you need to lose.The scale emoticon
    does not lie in wait to judge you,being afraid of the dark is valid, being afraid of the scale is hindering your goals.Measure yourself also. I was hardly losing any pounds, but I was losing inches. Put the scale in front of the mirror stand their & measure your bust, arms waist ,stomach hips & thighs. write all that down then get on the scale & weigh yourself. In one month go back & measure yourself again. However you need to watch portion control ,snacks choose healthier ones emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon & do your work outs emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Come on emoticon
    3376 days ago
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