Sometimes it's almost embarrassing to see my date that I joined SparkPeople - 3/29/2006, nearly 6 years ago, and have yet to reach my goal. I've been on the wagon and off again too many times to count. I've been motivated and determined and then faltered and fizzled shortly thereafter. Each time it seemed that I was at a top weight that I was just so disgusted by, and I had to change it. Started just about 207 maybe, and then very self consciously joined the gym despite not having a clue what to do - luckily I had Cassie to help me along - cannot thank her enough! Lost a few pounds, and then life got in the way. Came back and was 217, just kept saying to myself "as long as it doesn't hit 220". Well shortly after fell again, and came back over 220, and again over 230. My highest weight nearing 240lbs! 239.4 to be exact. The next milestone for me to hit was 250lbs... this was a real eye opener for me. I would be 300lbs before I knew it if I didn't change something. 2011 started off really great with a cleanse, and then a Biggest Loser challenge among my co-workers helped keep me on track and build consistency. I really connected on Spark with new people and groups. I took a detour from my goals during the summer months, basically wasn't focused so they weren't made a priority. Put on 10-12lbs. And I'll be damned if that cycle starts again. So back I came with a new fierceness - ready! However, each time I came back I felt like I was getting closer to it happening, being ready, closer to being prepared - closer to "THIS" being "IT". Each time I would consume as much information as I could while I was 'motivated'. And eventually it became overwhelming to have all of this knowledge and information in my head about how to be successfull in losing the weight, and living a healthy lifestyle. It eventually becomes difficult to ignore. Ignorance is no longer an option, no longer bliss. I know better. I knew how to fix this. I know what I need to do. I know it's not going to be easy. I know!!!! I made myself a priority, and this week I finally hit 50lbs lost! I am thrilled. I am just over 39lbs from my goal and it feels remarkably within my reach all of a sudden! I'm excited. I love the new me! I love who am becoming and I never want to go back. I finally believe I can do this. I finally have found some confidence. I don't want to ever forget how great it feels to accomplish this! I am setting new goals which I never imagined for myself, and I love to run! I actually enjoy fitness and health and I love talking to others about and helping others. Who would have thought!? I was told today by my little sister that I inspire her! ME?! Awesome! I am so touched by this, I can't even put it into words... It's overwhelming in the most amazing way. My boys really look up to me now too - they try to do push ups, planks, crunches and all sorts of things! They make little competitions of it, or just start trying and ask how their form is! If I'm doing a work out dvd in my living room, they participate or at least encourage me with their words. I am doing this! Finally. It is never too late. Don't ever give up. Persist. And accomplish your goals one step at a time. I still have a journey ahead of me yet, but I am celebrating today for where I am!
And here's a little photo documentation, as embarrassing as it is:
Cassie helped put this in perspective - 50lbs = a small child!!! Geez!
This picture isn't quite 50lbs - I didn't take many body shots at my high weight so I included my first real progress picture! I'm glad I started doing this - if you haven't yet, perhaps something to consider!
This first picture is the only thing close to a body shot at my high weight - ugh, and then me after my first 5k (Oct'11).
My old Size 18/20 pants that I was over-filling and refused to buy a new pair any bigger! Eye opening for me...
If I can do this, SO CAN YOU!!!! Trust me.
I told my sister today, sometimes it all starts with someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself in that moment of time. You just have to trust in them, and then in turn you will learn to trust yourself and believe in yourself. And then it all really comes together when you finally believe in you!!!!! For me, the person who believed in me most when I had given up was my husband. He has been consistent in his encouragement, and even sometimes gave me tough love when I needed it most. He's put on DVD's for me when he sees that I'm lacking effort, or stayed in so that I could go out to the gym or for a run. Whenever I have said "I can't", he responds with "Why not?". He is patient and understanding and all around awesome. He loved me at my worst, and I look forward to giving him my best now. I am grateful to have him.