KAURAKITTEN

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Admitting to a binge

Friday, January 20, 2012


Don't worry, things are ok. Just had a bad anxiety attack today. Life is good. Even better now than it was earlier. Just want all of you to know that I love you, even if you come with flaws.
Redshoes suggested I say what threw me off...
My anniversary was awesome after the makeover yesterday. I talked with Josh and he understands my concerns about my skin and made me feel a lot better about it. A friend I had talked to yesterday wanted to come over and get the details and see my makeover and I told her I'd rather meet somewhere since my house isn't as clean as I would like it. She came over anyways and I started panicking even though the house really wasn't that bad. Then I started cleaning and felt really pathetic because she was upset with me and my house was a mess and it really shouldn't have set me off like that. At least I try with my house and I know my friends still love me even with laundry out. And it's so frustrating to even look at my house because I clean on average 6-9 hours a week and it's always a mess because I always have to stop in the middle of cleaning to help with a school project or I have to get ready for a class, or the boys friends came over, or they have another club I have to drive them to. Being a mom sucks butt sometimes. It's like even when you have time you really don't have time.
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  • JESSASAURUSFLEX
    I wanted to come across the screen and hug you to bits.
    I too have realized that I binge. I never ever thought of myself as a binge eater, or stress eater... well, because I always ate whatever I wanted. I had no concept.

    Now that I know what is healthy, what isn't... I now know what triggers me.. the mentality that clicks in my head and the attitude that I let take me over..
    I have hidden wrappers, bags, cups... you name it because I was ashamed of people knowing the girl that had come soooo far was backsliding.

    I know this vlog came from somewhere very private, and very set aside.. a place you don't usually like to let others see... But, I can tell you one thing.. I could see that there was healing in you..

    God bless, and SUPER BIG HUGS!
    I love you too, btw.

    Jess
    2486 days ago
  • ROGUE_RUNNER
    Im glad to call you my friend - your blog helped me today. Thank you for sharing.

    2487 days ago
  • LIFEGENESIS
    Totally brave and awesome. Thank you for sharing about your binge - I have been bingeing or the last few days and was comforted by the fact that I was not alone. Thank you! Keep your head up! We can do this.
    2487 days ago
  • ANEWBETHSTL
    I am so so sorry you went through this! I am so glad you confided in us about this! I hope this helps!

    Always come to us when you feel down! We are here for us!!!

    HUGE emoticon to you!

    And you have a wonderful MOMMY! emoticon
    2488 days ago
  • TOOTERFISH
    i am not sure you realize how beautiful you really are.

    you have such an innocent honesty in all your posts.
    they touched me enough to follow you -

    though this post broke my heart.. if you were my child i would have wrapped you in my arms and told you, 'you are not broken. you are enough'

    your mom has strong wisdom.. allow yourself to hear what she said and know that it is truth.
    her words can surround you with comfort and support.

    doubt is such a weird emotion - i am sorry you were afraid and felt embarrassed. you were very hard on yourself. i'm sure the words you heard in your head were very mean and ugly.
    i am sorry you beat yourself up so badly. so harshly that you made yourself physically sick. it was so sad to hear how you hurt yourself this way.

    wrap your mom's words around you - really feel it - and then wrap yourself in a hug too.
    take a moment to be kind to you. tell yourself you're sorry, you made a mistake by being mean to someone so precious and beautiful.
    work to treat yourself better, you and your spirit are so special, so beautiful. it is ok to love who you are, even with all your flaws you are perfect.
    you are not a disappointment.
    you are enough.
    add my hugs in there too.
    2488 days ago
  • LENKA763
    emoticon
    SWONANGELDIVA said right :)
    2488 days ago
  • SNOWANGELDIVA
    Kaura,
    My house is a pit...I just don't let you see it. I'm home 24/7 with 5 kids 2 pets and a hubby that works random hours and when I clean it's at spurratic intervals...you live in a HOME not a MUSEUM. If the people that visit don't get that they're too thick to get anything else about real life. Don't waste your time with them.
    FYI, before I knew you had been crying and I'd clicked on your vlog your eyes - HAWT! and I love the profile pic of you and Joshy!
    I'm checking out last vlog...I missed something...



    emoticon emoticon
    2488 days ago
  • VERTICALABRET
    emoticon You are not alone. You are an amazing woman! Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us. Sometimes we only show people the sunny side and if we are all honest, thats just not life.
    I'm glad things are ok for you now.
    2489 days ago
  • MANILUS
    Emotional distress and binging is hard, trusting yourself that you will be ok is the best way to look at it. After the end, getting back on track as quickly as possible is the best thing. Glad you're mom is supportive and you can definitely change that behavior! Love yourself and you CAN do it!
    2489 days ago
  • ROBINROSE3
    Thank you for this post. It is nice to know others share my pain emoticon
    2489 days ago
  • REDSHOES2011
    What was the stupid thing that pushed you off the edge? Write about it and find ways to deal with this small stupid thing, find solutions so you can avoid it again another time.. When things annoy you instead of eating- ask others to sit down with you and suggest solutions you can live with.. Open the doors to others helping you- use your family as your coaches..
    xx
    Red
    ( I have ADHD and lived with anxiety all my life- even when I had no reason to have anxiety- solutions are the road to healing KAURA..)
    emoticon
    2489 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2012 10:39:53 PM
  • ALLPROTAMMY
    Kaurakitten,
    Yesturday was a hard day and it was the little thing that took you over the top. I find you to be truly a blessing. Your a very fun and caring woman. What more could a person ask for. As far as your eating goes....well, I'm a bit flawed in this area as well. I am glad to see you sharing your realness.
    Blessings to you
    2489 days ago
  • _JODI404
    Kaura,

    I am so sorry that you had such a tough day with anxiety and then a binge. I wish I could just reach out and give you a big hug!

    It sounds like your Mom is incredibly understanding, loving, and awesome! I love that she not only loves you unconditionally, but that she wants to be there for you to help work through this when it happens. I would call her from the drive thru!! emoticon My Mom passed away 11 years ago, and I miss her incredibly. And just like you said.. when times are tough ~ you just want to call your Mommy ~ and I don't have that.. and it's hard!! You are very lucky to have her loving support, and your Dad too.

    I love that you want to share with others that they are OK even when this happens, and still deserve to love and be loved. And the same back to you girl ~ Love to you ~ just the way you are! You are working hard for your goals, and this is something you will move forward from.

    My heart goes out to you to see you in pain and upset. I hope that the anxiety subsides and you are OK now.

    Hugs to you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2489 days ago
  • 2NEWSTARTAGAIN
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon , You are SOOO worth it and NEVER a disapointment! I have to say that you are the absolute best and only friend I really have and I feel your pain today. I have never been a binge eater, mine goes the other way, I have trouble eating which can be bad too, but I am here and will listen anytime you need me. I REALLY understand the anxiety/panic attacks and have issues with it more than I really should, so dont ever feel like that is a flaw because it would mean the I have a huge flaw and I would like both of us to think we have no flaws that we cant overcome. Your mother is one special person and you are lucky to have such a WONDERFUL person to turn to. I also want you to be around a LONG, LONG time, you hear me....I NEED you too! As far as "hiding" it and feeling like you are hiding it from DH, well, I am guilty of that as well(shhh....dont tell him...lol), I dont always tell him when something bothers me to the point of panic or anger, or when I am in so much pain because I know that all it does is make him feel bad that he cant really do anything to help. We just do what we can and that is all that we can do, lets do this together!
    2490 days ago
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