KATVHALE
 

Religious Humor

Thursday, January 19, 2012

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what
the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible
means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

=======

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

========

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
morning."

========

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he puts a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive
us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

========

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."

========

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
exhaust."

========

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

========

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long
holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars
ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as
if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

========

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.

========

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs
to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular
organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge
$100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!


When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache..... When you open it, he
collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees that
you are living what you read, he flees.





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  • JOYFULSPIRIT920
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    3096 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6312736
    Enjoyed them much! Almost as good as the "Minister, Priest and Rabbi" jokes -- maybe I'll share one with you later.

    ---L.
    3096 days ago
  • FLYER99
    These are excellent. gave me a good laugh. Thanks so much!
    emoticon
    3096 days ago
  • STEVENGO2
    emoticon emoticon
    3096 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2445638
    Love these! Thank you so much for lifting my spirits tonight!
    3097 days ago
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