I joined a gym

Monday, January 16, 2012

I joined a gym today. I haven't been a gym member for a few years now, mostly because I hate being near other people's sweat. Something about other people's sweat is icky... but I'm willing to deal with it for a year (because that's how long my contract is).

So, OK, it's a women's gym so only women are there. Which is kinda nice because guys can be intimidating to lift weights around sometimes, but there have been a few guys who are cool to lift around. I'm just worried that the women will be cliquey. I'm not the type to be part of a clique. I'm usually the outsider that they make fun of.

Part of my joining a gym is a direct response to all the stuff that's been going on in my life lately. And part of it is because I'm actually uncomfortable lifting weights, doing yoga and running on a treadmill in front of my husband. Sometimes it's funny when he runs up behind me and starts groping or making dirty jokes, but most of the time it's distracting and makes me self conscious. And another part of it is that my husband doesn't want me to run by myself, but he won't run with me and complains when I ask him to set up the treadmill. It hasn't been set up since I started feeling like I could run simply because he sighs, agrees to set it up and then never does. (it's folded in a corner of our living room, and the living room is much too small to leave it sitting out. Since I can't move anything heavier than a pound, I have to rely on him to do it.)

We had planned on going out to San Francisco and eating at a fancy place that he's been wanting to take me to. I actually cried when I was getting dressed because nothing fit. Seriously, I can tell I've gained weight since I fell and it's not pretty. All the fancier stuff that fits is in the dirty clothes waiting to be washed, and everything else is too casual to wear to a fancy pants dinner. I finally found something that looked OK and wanted to cry again because I really didn't feel pretty. I don't think DH knew what to do with a crying wife first thing in the morning.

He was so sweet though... he said "Let's not eat there. They're pretentious and cover everything in butter. Neither one of us should be eating like that. And I really don't want to spend any time on BART today - that's gross. Let's grab some breakfast, go for a walk, and just spend time together." So we did. And it was nice.

So OK, tomorrow morning, first thing, I'll be at the gym on their treadmill. Hopefully it won't hurt to run, but if it does, then I'll be walking instead.

Wish me luck!
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