The Corn Test

Sunday, January 15, 2012

To be fair to anyone reading this, I want to let you know ahead of time that this is a "poop" story...more specifically, about how to test if you're suffering from constipation (in a completely goofy, non-medical, exceedingly red-neck kind of way, so if you're not in the mood for a poop story, stop reading now!!

I'm sharing this ONLY because it's making me laugh. I got into a pretty involved discussion with my "interesting" mother today about constipation. When I told her the scale finally dropped for me this morning, her first supposition was that I had a good "BM", not that all of my work at the gym and with my diet might actually be finally working again. (thanks Mom, for your continued anti-support) So I had to inform her that I'm fairly regular, and am pretty darn sure that this was not the case. But not to be deterred from a good "poop" discussion, Mom wouldn't let it drop. We had to discuss not only her bathroom habits, but the habits of many of her friends, most of whom I've never met, but who I'm sure wouldn't appreciate her sharing their poop issues with anyone. :) After we worked through the constipation issues of the over 50 set (so happy I have this to look forward to), she asked me if I've ever tried the Corn Test (yes reader, you know where this is going). Apparently, one of her hippie friends swears by eating a giant serving of corn, and then timing it to see when it "makes a reappearance" to "make sure" she's really constipated. This made me burst out laughing, because the idea of checking your BM's for the corn with a stop watch in hand OR "having to make sure you're constipated" just tickles my funny bone like that. :) I didn't get into the subject of partial intestinal blockages with her because she's kind of a hypochondriac, and it would set her off, but I digress. So while I was still cracking up, she took my inability to stop laughing as her cue to continue with "It's not has been doing it for years, and it always works for her", which only made me laugh harder, because her buddy has apparently been scrutinizing her BM's for corn for years. Which earned me a "I don't see what is so funny about it, I'm considering doing it too!" Tears, at this point, but she continued on with "I'm just waiting to get all of the old corn out of my system". I had to sit down on the side of the trail in the middle of our hike, as I was in danger wetting myself on the trail. She was thoroughly disgusted with my 12-year-old-boy-sense-of-humor at this point, so she quieted down long enough for me to calm myself so that I could ask her why she wasn't just timing her current corn deposit, to which she replied "How the heck am I supposed to remember when I ate the old corn?" Which just made me laugh so hard (because if you can't remember the last time you ate corn, how are you going to remember now? Charts? A billboard?) that we had to change the subject. How indeed, indeed. :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JAILYNN0912
    I miss having regular computer access so I can enjoy your "poop" stories, they always bring me into a full laugh including the moments when I am just sitting around bored and start giggling for no reason but I remembered your blog.
    2494 days ago
    Love the idea of the corn races and poop competitions!!

    It seems that it doesn't matter how old we get...toilet humour is always good for a laugh.
    2497 days ago
  • LEEANNZ_85
    The funniest part is, if you can't remember the last time you had corn and it hasn't passed, you are most definately constipated.
    2499 days ago
  • BITTERSWEET100 there really is a website for everything now!
    2499 days ago
    Okay, I agree, your mother is OH SO INTERESTING! emoticon

    Am currently reading this when I should be doing something productive, so I'm biting my lip........

    emoticon emoticon
    2501 days ago
    Oh. My. Goodness.
    2501 days ago
    Ever heard of "Corn Races"

    Hubs was in the Navy and after they had corn the guys would race to see who pooped it out first.

    I never asked if hubby participated in the race.

    2501 days ago
    emoticon LOL Never heard of the corn test. Now I feel enlightened! Chris
    2501 days ago
    LMFAO! Too funny!! Great I just have to get some corn and a timer.... ; )
    2501 days ago
  • JANDK156
    LMMFAO! My children used to delight over seeing corn in their poop when potty training, so thinking they will have this "experience" to look forward to as old men is making me need oxygen!!! Crap, there's no poop emoticon on here...

    You should tell your very interesting mother about Maybe she and her friends can whack up pics and compete? emoticon emoticon *tears stream down face!*
    2501 days ago
  • FITB4-40
    Thanks for the laugh even if it was a bit corny! emoticon
    2501 days ago
  • no profile photo CATH14967
    Cant stop laughing long enough to write anything emoticon
    2501 days ago
    OMG! That is too funny! I too would be rolling on the ground laughing if I were in your shoes!!! Thanks for chuckle!
    2501 days ago
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