True confessions

Friday, January 13, 2012

Another really great day for sparking!! Everything fell into place, felt good, energized and wondered why and what in the world I was thinking for these several years when I allowed my fitness plan to bite the dust.

Felt like I needed to back up and add some history, so when I look at this again I'll recall what brought me to this point and who I was when I ate so carelessly and exercised so sporadically.

I am the person who ate Edy's carmel swirl ice cream for breakfast, or my own homemade chocolate chip cookies. When I'd make batches of cookies it would be for my grandson, my son, my husband I'd rationalize, not for me!! Ha! How far do we get when we choose to lie to ourselves?!?! We get enveloped in guilt, extra pounds and fall deep within our comfort zones. I remember eating a whole box of....say....peanut brittle and feeling the need to eat it ALL so I could get rid of the box & inner wrapper before DH came home so that (another lie) he'd never know we had any in the first place and I could treat it like it never happened. Once I remember having a coupon for TWO double hamburgers w/cheese. I stopped, got the 2 hamburgers w/cheese and rationalized that I really needed to eat BOTH of them because the 2nd one wouldn't taste very good if I warmed it up later!! Besides, they tasted SO good. Oh, the stuff I used to tell myself!! This is NOT me, not who I am, but I was telling myself such grand deceptions. When I look back on it, I don't even know why. There was no particular reason for it. I just did it.

I think I ate for taste more than anything else. Not necessarily to drown some pain or to isolate myself from others. It certainly wasn't done for hunger. Then, the more I gained, the less energy I had, the more I sat, the less I wanted to move. My knees began to hurt, especially when going down a flight of stairs, I lost range of motion. It became hard to even shave my legs in the bathtub. I made trips to the thrift store to buy bigger jeans and noticed that I always HAD to hold the railing when walking up or down stairs. My sense of balance was slipping too. When I look back on it now - it seems (and it was) pure insanity. The BP was steadily rising as well.

On Monday, 16 Jan. I will be 22 days into this journey. The point at which it is said a new habit is formed. I already know that this is so do-able and can't help but shake my head at myself for going so far off track after losing 55# in 2002. But, I do know things now about fitness & health that I didn't know then. Lessons have been learned. Progress has been made. This isn't being recorded as some kind of negative 'heaping on'. I wanted to record it so I'd never forget how this happened.

As I thought, my body did respond quickly to this new direction. My steps are much faster, full of energy. No longer have to hold the railing when going down the stairs. There isn't any hunger, there's just blessed relief that I finally got it right and found SparkPeople. Really, all I feel is gratitude. My BP is coming down too. I haven't felt any day to day stress, like I used to and I'm sleeping SO much better. It's really wonderful. Then, I think of what life will be like with 20, 30 or 40 pounds less to carry around, like some big sack of dog food. It'll be like getting out of jail - I'll feel free as a bird. Happy to move, as I am now. So long to the past, it's gone and today just couldn't be any better.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Keep working to make sure the habit is set! Funny how delusional we get when
    we focus on taste and not nutrition.
    22 days and countint-counting to success! emoticon emoticon
    3205 days ago
  • MARLY53
    emoticon Thanks for posting this blog, it was just what I needed to hear. Wow!
    You've got it now. The hard part will be keeping it. I just know that emoticon .
    3205 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/14/2012 10:22:27 AM
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.