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Slipping Back To The Old Ways..

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I have been bad. Very bad. Feeling the old addictions surfacing. Frustrated with my body being slow to respond, slow to feel better. Everyone telling me hip replacements are so easy to recover from. Why are some of the physiotherapy exercises so difficult for me and why does my leg start getting sore quickly to the point I feel something is going to give if I try to complete them all as instructed. I am still not up to doing the amount Maybelle originally wanted me to do.. I am walking better, that is a small thing, but it still doesn't feel 'normal.'
What I am addicted to is online freecell competition. I used to be quite good at it, winning quite frequently. Now I win only once in a while, and struggle getting some games others have solved. Getting back into it was an effort to give me some fun time, but also hoping to get some of my mental acuity back from the constant fog I seem to be in from my insomnia. But I was also a voracious snacker when trying to compete, it went hand in hand. The snacks are not the worst -Smart Pop popcorn, but still, calories I can ill afford when I am not doing any exercise.
I used to play this game 12-14 hours a day back in the time when I had nothing to do or was recovering from surgeries at home. I would surface to get some exercise which was aquafit when I lived closer to a pool, but I also snacked constantly which is why the exercise didn't do me any good. And water allows you leeway when you are obese, you don't feel your weight as much so you ignore it.
The other frustration is being house bound. The ice remains on the sidewalk. Even the warmer temperatures above zero can't melt it away with no sun. Two bridge players have fallen and have had injuries serious enough to keep them away from the club (it takes a lot to keep them away -one has her arm in a cast and is using a block to hold her cards). I am missing my fresh outdoor time. Mom says are trails are too slippery for me to risk :(
I am looking into the abyss. It isn't pretty and my maintaining goal is in jeopardy unless I get a handle on it and fast.
Thanks for always being here for me,
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SILLYHP1953
    I was addicted to computer and video games about 20 years ago and spent hours on them. HOURS. Now I don't even let them in the house and have never done the online ones. When I bought a Wii last fall I told my daughter to NOT bring a Zelda game into the house. She did. I stayed away from it for a few weeks until one Sunday when I was alone and bored and it grabbed me and didn't let go. Thankfully she realized she'd made a mistake, cause she was spending hours on it, too, and she took it back to gamestop and got a Just Dance game. I don't know what to tell you. I had to quit completely. Maybe if you set a kitchen timer and only allow yourself a half hour or an hour, and when the timer goes off you have to do something else.
    2285 days ago
    Linda, I can not imagine how frustrated you are not being able to be out and about and doing all those things you want to do. Asking God to be with you and allow you to have a complete and rapid recovery. Even though we got our first snow to amount to anything today, Ken and I were out and about. Thought I was a popcicle when we came back into the house. Winter has finally come to southwestern Pennsylvania. Not a good idea to be out with all the ice and extreme wind chills. Keeping you in my prayers...
    Although success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out..."Success is doing your best." How simple that is!! Your best may be different each day but you can continue to do your best.
    Blessings and hugs,
    2290 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    emoticon I think "frustration" sums it all up. You WILL find your equilibrium! I know you!
    2293 days ago
    My Dear Linda,
    First {{{hugs}}} to you. I only wish I could do it in person.
    You've got a few things stacked against you now. You've always been able to rise above challenges, but recouperating from your hip surgery is not going as easily (easily??? has anything ever been easy for you? NO. But you make it seem that way because you've always persevered...) However, your body is not like anyone elses. So the healing for you can't be compared to everyone else. You're housebound and frustrated and falling back into old habits. As someone else has already mentioned - you are human after all!
    BUT YOU REACHED OUT TO US! ALL YOUR FANS!!! AND IT'S FINALLY OUR TIME TO HELP YOU... Again, you teach us lessons even when things aren't going well for you. Most of us would have just disappeared into our misery.
    Accentuate the positives! Focus on those small improvements every day. And know that we are all here for you when you need a friend (or a hundred...)
    Love you, sista... Sending tenderlovingkindess your way!
    2293 days ago
    Well, kiddo, the BEST thing you can do.....is keep on coming here to get this off your chest!!!

    Remember.....YOU CAN DO IT......
    Don't let this BUMP in the road stop you now....
    Nothing happens as fast as you want....PATIENCE IS VIRTUE......

    Ok have I annoyed you enough?! emoticon

    2294 days ago
    Dont be so hard on yourself as I should take my own advice I am cogniznat to ur difficulties especailly that of daling with the sleep or lack thereof. Keep the faith!
    2294 days ago
    Hip replacement isn't an easy one to get through. People are minimizing when they talk to you. You are probably pushinmg yourself too hard. I've thought that while reading your blogs and once you get those tissues sore, it takes a while to level off again. Dh still has problems if it's cold, steps too hard, etc.
    2294 days ago
    Sounds like you have all the advice you need below, so I will just say "tie a knot in the end of your rope, and hold on!"
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2294 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/10/2012 11:59:47 AM
    I definitely can relate to your blog. I've had to catch myself at a few bad habits and go from here. You are have an amazing spirit that will get you through this. And spring will be here before long. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2294 days ago
    Wow, so you actually ARE human!! I had no idea!
    Seriously, being housebound is not a good thing and I think 'easy to recover from' is a relative thing - everybody's body is different and even different at various times under various circumstances. So it's not fair to assume we would all get better at the same rate - with your RA and the cold temperatures up there, that combination has to complicate things, too!
    As for being good at freecell, somehow I think that's not really a major goal of yours, haha! You are just filling in time for now and once the weather gets better and you're more healed, I doubt you'll spend much time doing that. For now, I know you are 'chomping at the bit' and wish I could make you feel better but as we both know, it's going to take a little time.
    In the meantime, hang in there - you are still a great inspiration to me!!
    2294 days ago
    Linda, it's the winter. I just know it. It's the cold, cold weather--the ice, etc.-- that is making things so difficult! And, I'll bet the darkness doesn't help, either! Those things affect our moods! Hang in there, my friend! You're going to make it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2294 days ago
    We're always here for you, Linda. I never thought hip replacements were "easy," and your postsurgery workouts sounded miraculous, but it now seems you pushed too hard, too soon. Please don't get down on yourself now for not being as good at freecell as you were when you played it hours on end! You'll get back to exercising, bit by bit, as you're able.

    Why don't they sand or salt the roads and walkways? It sound positively frightening to me there, with all that ice!
    2294 days ago
    Being stuck in the house would drive anyone to food for comfort. I am in the house all day but nights are tougher. The ice is quite a hazard be careful. Take care, Victoria
    2294 days ago
    I can relate to 'slipping back' - not sure why living a healthy life must always be a challenge...
    I am sure however that if anyone can find a way to get the most out of life, you can.
    Sending warm wishes and thoughts your way.
    2294 days ago
  • REJ7777
    I don't know what to say. You are facing huge challenges. And yet, if anyone can do it, you can. You've proven your courage and self-discipline in the past. Sometimes, we feel *stuck* in Winter, but Spring and Summer do follow. And they will.

    2294 days ago
    Linda, I think we have both been on a parallel edge regarding old habits, game addictions, and the inability to get out and walk due to cold weather. Winter won't last forever. Take care. I appreciate how you boost my spirit. Keep on keeping on. We can do this! Deborah
    2294 days ago
    emoticon I know that the Old Habits are frighteningly easy to slip in to, Just check out my eating for the past 3 days! But we have Spark Friends to hold us accountable and to listen when we need to Vent.
    emoticon WE CAN DO THIS!! Not because it is easy or fun, but because Our Lives Depend On It, and WE ARE WORTH IT!!
    2294 days ago
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