Depression is knocking at the door...trying not to answer it!
Monday, January 09, 2012
So this morning I was down 3lbs. I'm excited but trying not to get overly excited because I've been here so many times before. That initial rapid loss that comes to a screeching halt. I must remember what I'm in for. I don't want the rapid loss, I want the slow and steady loss. I don't want the diet, I want the lifestyle change. I don't want to be "skinny" I want to be healthy. I don't want to look like a 20 year old but right now I look and feel much older than I am. I don't want to look old and tired anymore.
It is cold and rainy today which is not the best for me as the depression creeps in when the weather is dark. At least it was warm enough yesterday to go to the park and walk. I really enjoyed the fresh air. I love that me time outside. Once the weather gets warmer again I really want to try to spend more time outside. Right now all I want to do is curl up under a blanket and go back to sleep.
Both of my children were gone this weekend. My son went to a debate tournament and my daughter went out of town with her best friends. In 8 months time, my baby girl will be moving out and going to college.
We are very close and it's killing me. The crappy weather doesn't help. I'm not having much success at living in the moment! This weekend was creepy quiet in the house. I didn't like it at all. My son is a freshman so at least he'll be home for another 3 years.
I kinda worry about what will happen when he leaves. I have so many friends that have gone through the empty nest thing. They survived and I know I will too, but it doesn't feel like it right now. I'm also afraid of eating myself into oblivion when things begin to change. I hate change. I've never been good with change. I need to figure out how to EMBRACE change instead of being afraid of it. I think the draw to the food wouldn't be so great if I could do that.
God help me!