I put the grief away

Monday, January 09, 2012

I guess getting sick back in November was the tip of my proverbial iceberg. I did really well to not binge out over the holidays but still had a lot of stress. Christmas came and surprisingly I did quite well. That is until after new years. I was posting on a forum I had not posted to in a while and when a ticker I had set up popped up I was reminded of what I had "forgotten" . I had missed the anniversary and had not been significantly depressed. You see two years ago Christmas I almost died . The day came and I was peaceful and happy. I was okay with my world. Yes I was sad for what might have been but I felt I was moving forward. I felt so angry with myself for forgetting about it. I saw the ticker and said "who's that?" and then "Oh yeah that's who it is." I forgot. I had put the mourning away. I let the baby I lost that day go and put them away and I was mad with myself for forgetting. I have been binging ever since. The punishment has to stop. I did not forget.I remembered but did not grieve. I have decided to embrace something else in my life. I can't live in constant mourning for people who have moved on. By letting go I have freed myself. Perhaps this year I will do better than last year and release this weight hanging round my heart and the other weight that came with it. I am putting the grief away and I am embracing life right where I am. I can't punish myself for moving forward and embracing today and the joy that comes with living in today. That is my past and I no longer live there.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are wise to move forward and embrace today. Moving forward gives you a sense of hope vs the hopelessness you may have experienced in the past. A part of you may have died two years ago but not the essence of you. Please don't feel guilty about being able to experience joy. Joy is very healing. You deserve to heal and feel whole again without carrying lots of pain and grief consistently around with you. I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way. I know you will be successful on your journey to health.
    3178 days ago
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