Is it all about moderation?

Monday, January 09, 2012

If this is the case, why can't I do it? I seem to be all or nothing. I'm either not eating chocolate or I'm eating all the chocolate in the house. I'm either not drinking or I am so outrageously drunk I suffer from a hangover for days. I'm either exercising every day or not at all.

I can't seem to find a balance. It's like a flip switches in me and I want EVERYTHING. Or nothing. I prefer the nothing to be honest, at least in the food department as at least I feel in control then. When in everything mode, I am very much out of control. I know it too and I curse myself even as I'm doing it. Hell, even as I'm planning to do it.

That's right, sometimes I plan to misbehave. It doesn't seem to matter that the food angel on my shoulder is saying 'don't do that. Please don't plan to eat that cake, it's not going to help you lose weight. In fact it will probably make you gain weight and you have weigh day tomorrow. Please be kinder to yourself and don't do it!'

But instead I listen to the chocolate cake devil on my other side who says 'it's only one slice, what can it hurt? You've been good, for the most part, this week. Don't you deserve a piece of cake? Compared to what you used to eat this is nothing. Have it and don't worry about it.'

I have this argument millions of times a day over all sorts of things. Today it happens to be cake. Even though I know that my 'reward' shouldn't be food. Even though I know it will hurt my weight loss. I know all the reasons not to do it and yet I'm pretty sure I'm still going to have cake today. And then I will feel bad about being so weak and will berate myself and if the scale doesn't show what I want tomorrow I will feel even worse and know I have no one to blame but myself.

Yet if the scale let's me 'get away' with it, it's even worse because then I believe I can in fact cheat every now and then and lose weight. As if I am getting one over on some secret system somewhere.

I lose this game. I am only cheating myself and yet...there will be cake.

Possibly I have a mental disorder when it comes to food. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    heck I thought i was the only one like that emoticon I've been going round and round around my current weight only and only because of the love for the extreme!and when I look back at the numerous calendar markings/deadlines/planners/weightl
    oss progress diaries its so damn upsetting and frustrating...BUT the only consolation i can offer you is that we're in the fight, we haven't given up so try changing your routine/eating program and give yourself a break!! I did that emoticon emoticon
    2836 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    You have the worst kind of mental disorder: you're human! You have fallen into the trap of many; you are convinced that habit change should be easier just because you make a decision in certain moments to change something. We forget that whatever it is we're changing already has a history with us that is more unconscious than that conscious decision we make, usually at the moment the itch has already been scratched.

    Learning usually involves long periods of flailing and making incremental changes that are right. The tennis ball goes way wide or high, but eventually we get more control and aim it into a corner or shave it just over the net. Don't discount small bits of progress, or aim at them. Less instead of none, of less often, for example.

    I've had success with a program that prides itself on moderation from start to finish: the No S Diet.
    opic.php?t=8296 See if it makes any sense. emoticon
    2836 days ago
    TOTALLY know what you mean.

    All or nothing.

    Listening to people tell me its "one step at a time" or thinking about losing 1 kilo a week for the next 12 months just sounds undoable and I go full force trying to lose twice as much twice fast or I (used to) walk from my place on The Palm to the hotel and back every day for aa week and then stop for a month.

    Thing is...if I had just done the 1 kilo a week when I started Spark I would have been at my goal weight 2 months ago instead of 20 kilos heavier then when I started!

    I really don't know the answer either - patience is NOT one of our virtues I think...

    I'll let you know if I find the answer - promise you'll do the same :)
    2836 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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