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I Shouldn't Be Here

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Saturday mornings finds me moving at a much different pace than other days. Saturdays are unique that way for me; no other day has this distinction. I do not know if it comes from a self-preservation instinct for me to take a breath, or if I am lazy and complacent. As I sit here, I don't even feel guilty. It may be hours before I quit searching for new music. Later today I will be critical of myself - after all, there are too many things on my list. Research to do, books to read, paperwork to fill out, menus to create, leaves to rake - you have as much to do as well. Do you finally stop when you are exhausted, or do you plan breaks so that you don't become burned out? Or are you in that wonderful place of discipline where exercise is your stress-reliever?

I know that we make time for what is most important in our life at that time. My biggest flaw is that I have too many things on which I label 'most important'. Let's face it, this is an area of our lives that is constantly in flux. And priorities can change drastically. I remember when I told my DH "I'm pregnant". Everything changed in that one heartbeat.

Sorry, I seem to be chasing rabbits here. There are many things I would like to accomplish this year, but with all the uncertainties ahead, I am having to be very, very selective in deciding what is important. I would LOVE to have all the paper in my office scanned and saved, but that is not as important as working with my son on his scholarship applications. And I have just realized that there is SO much to do before graduation, that I am paralyzed. Which is probably why I am sitting in front of this time vampire instead of crossing off things on my DO list.

I am enjoying the somewhat remission of knee issues and am hesitant to begin any type of fitness program. Since I quit walking, the swelling has vanished and I can pull both heels to my butt. I still have sleepless nights due to pain when I the Goody's powders aren't enough. Have to see the DR for Vicodin refills, my insurance does not cover my knees, and my DR won't see me without insurance. How do I get out of this loop? More than anything I need to drop these last 30 pounds - and I HAVE to do this before my next Synvisc injections. Wait! I just said no insurance coverage for my knees - so for now, no Synvisc. But I should be ready for it as soon as possible anyway.

Not that I believe that anyone has a perfectly balanced life - after all, what is balanced for you won't be balanced for me - but I'd like to know how YOU deal with those daily things that rise to the top like a released balloon being held under water. I do not like being crisis-driven. Those 'balloons' derail me. One of those balloons is my knees. Daddy used to tell me if it hurts, don't do it. My doctor tells me I am too young and healthy to NOT be exercising regularly. Time to crank up the Head Banger Music disk and give my neck a rhythm workout and take my hair out of the pony tail so that I can really get into it!

emoticon. . . day in, day out, all week long, things go better with rock! . . . emoticon

Now that I have rambled on, trying to see a solution, I think SMALL is the best place to start. I know this is the premise that Chris Downie began with, and if I want to see any results, doing ten minutes of something is better than all of nothing. Once I have finished this blog, I will do ten minutes of SOMETHING! With some planning, and barring too many balloons erupting from the water, I'll blog with more regularity to help stay focused. I will push frustration down until that sucker finally pops. Sad that those balloons aren't filled with confidence, persistence, or sanity instead of the distractions they are.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    For me I break things into different categories as well. Things that HAVE to be done (of which I do most), then things I WANT to get done (of which I do whenever I feel like). I don't beat myself up over what doesn't get done, life happens.

    2329 days ago
    Almost on a daily basis I feel like I need to change my priorities. I personally stick with a few for the day. I get overwhelmed if I attempt to do too much. I try to think of those things that will profit me the most. For me it isn't always exercise. Sometimes I need to rest more or spend more time with my family. Though I have to admit laziness controls this sometimes too. I just keep trying because each day is a new opportunity.

    Not having insurance is awful. When this change anytime soon? I think Sheila had a great suggestion about checking into companies that might offer free samples. I know (not one specifically) that are people that buy insurance on their own with others and form a pool so that they can get somewhat affordable healthcare. Something to google.

    2330 days ago
    Your blog title concerned me! I wasn't sure what you meant by "I shouldn't be here...!"

    I'm glad to hear that your knees are feeling better, but too bad it's at the expense of you exercising. Maybe they just need a rest for now, and then they'll give you more use later. Take the time to fully heal. The health insurance situation sure does stink. Something has to be done about healthcare. I will hold you in prayer for complete healing.
    2330 days ago
    HI LR!
    ya know, i think that avoidance rut is a pretty normal spot for a lot of people. i have tons of stuff that i avoid. i guess i really need to make a check list and work it off.

    the insurance problem, well that just stinks. ya know, some of those drug companies actually GIVE the meds away when someone is uninsured or underinsured. you should check in to it. the worst thing that will happen, they might say no. but you never know til you try!

    2330 days ago
    You are trying to figure out how to stay healthy when life happens. You will figure out a plan that will work for you....because you want to! Good luck and take a look at some of the Coach Nicole videos. Some are done from a chair....some are upper body....all are short in length.....you can do it! emoticon
    2330 days ago
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