DEE797
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Gained 20+ lbs back and my crazy life.....

Friday, January 06, 2012

Emotional blog.......needed to get all of this out of my system....

I believe I have been suffering from depression for the last year or so. Life has been an uphill battle at times. I've felt overwhelmed, anxious, and at times I have no emotions at all...except being tired and fatigued all the time. Most days I just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep. Instead I have several family members who depend on me. So each day....I get up and go through the motions.

Over the last several months I have regained the 20 lbs I lost and maintained since '07. It's been a rough few years, with my dh losing his job in Apr '08 when the company he worked for closed its doors, then finding another job which required him to move to GA from IN. Lived apart for 2 years while trying to sell our home in IN, kids and I ended up moving to GA in July '10 and the home went through a bank approved short sale in Dec '10. Which means we got nothing from the sale, and practically wiped out our savings while trying to maintain the home and an apt for dh to live in. Then in Sept/Oct '11, my dh needed to change jobs again, and we moved to TN. So it's been a roller coaster for me especially with having my dad, whose 82, living with us, my dd in college in IN and my ds, who has autism, and is in high school. It's meant leaving friends and familiar surroundings after 15 years, then just when we were getting comfortable in GA, having to start over in a new place. It's meant downsizing to an apt and either selling or giving away a lot of our belongings and furniture. Not to mention the upheaval of getting our ds settled into two different states and schools. And being so far away from our dd......

I still manage to fit in exercise thanks in large part to the SparkTeams I am on. Without those teams and the team members who each day give me something to look forward too, I don't think I would have managed to exercise on my own. My eating is way off track and obviously has been for some time.

At this moment in time, I am trying to pull up my boot straps, put on my big girl pants, and tighten my belt as.......I'm trying to move forward and get back to a healthier way of life.

Okay, now that I have managed to write a short novel, I want to say, Thanks for reading this blog....I appreciate your taking the time to do so. emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MEADSBAY
    Oh my-
    you have been through the grinder and come out bruised but in one piece!
    I admire you so much, Dee.
    Keep your head up high and find the tiny joys in every day.
    better times HAVE to be ahead for you and your famliy.
    emoticon
    3134 days ago
  • BUTTERFLYWINGZ
    Dee - you are so inspirational to me. You have kept our team going through so many ups and downs, but have always been so positive. You are a constant on Spark, when I have slipped in and out so many times over the past few years. I can always peek in and see that you are still running (if not physically, then at least mentally) ;-) But I know you are very strong. I know it has been a tough road for you but keep going!! emoticon
    3289 days ago
  • MOMMA_BEAR_69
    So sorry for all that has happened and you have been through. You are a very strong woman. Leave the past behind (as it can't be undone), live in the now and look forward to a healthier future.
    emoticon
    3289 days ago
  • MAMAWOLF61
    Hey Dee, I know for sure you are a strong woman!!! YOu can do this, I know that for sure, you have put up with me for 51 years now, yes i said 51 - i know my big sis can handle it.

    You need to take the time to take care of you, i know how everyone depends on you, You are the rock that holds them all together(and listens to me "whine" when i need to)

    Depression runs in our family unfortunately, yet one of the best things you can do about it you are already doing, exercising!!!
    It is truly one of the best things we can do for ourselves and take the time to find a little "peace" each day, even if it means getting up earlier or staying up later then everyone else. it's a chance to have a cup of tea, read a poem or story and relax and put the thoughts in order for the day

    love ya , big sis
    lil sis emoticon a rose for my sis
    3291 days ago
  • HAPPY_AS_IS
    Dee, You are one of the sweetest people I know. You are always there for EVERYONE! Hopefully I can be there for you!

    I am sorry for all the drama/hectic life you have been going through! Hopefully it will start to go back to normal!

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    3295 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    I'm glad that you put this out there. I've been waiting for this, as I hear you say day after day that you are hanging in.

    We're here, and we'll be here for you. Together we can do it. emoticon
    3295 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    You certainly have reason to be stressed and depressed. You have been through so much in the last few years. I hope that things settle down for you soon where you can have some stability and that you can again concentrate on you and your health. emoticon
    3296 days ago
  • HARRINGTON5
    Dear Dee,
    I can feel your pain and I agree, writing it down and getting rid of it is part of the healing process. I too went through something similar with losing my life savings, down sizing to a manufactured home, selling any extras and moving a few times. I know having children and your Dad living with you makes it much worse, but you sound like a strong woman and you WILL get through it. You are in the right place and SparkPeople is a wonderful way to get support and motivation, so please keep blogging!
    emoticon emoticon
    3296 days ago
  • no profile photo THEMRSH
    While you are pulling up your boot straps, putting on your big girl pants and tightening your belt don't forget your SPY MASK!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    You are about to encounter one of the most supportive teams in the Spark network with 4 rocking captains and enough inspiration to lift you out of even the deepest depths of depression. YOU CAN do this and YOU WILL have a rocking round of BLC!
    3296 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/8/2012 10:49:04 AM
  • FITAT50
    Dee, I'm just beginning to know you, please know I'm here to help you in any way I can.
    emoticon emoticon
    3296 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11328388
    Sorry about you luck, Dee. I know that gaining back what you lost can be discouraging. I am going through the same things. I gained, lost and gained again. Best of luck to you!
    3297 days ago
  • EVER-HOPEFUL
    dee love i have always known you were a strong woman now you know it yourself and should be proud of all you have achieved theese last few years and of the fact that you have only regained 20lbs in that time i have regained that much in 6 weeks acouple of years ago through stress.you are one remarkable woman and it is great as well as nessacary that you kept up your exercise i am sure it is one of the things that kept you sane and helped you cope.know you are in my thoughts and prayers love and just think you have survived all this so you can survive all else that life throughs at you .you can do this love you are doing this.take care and keep smiling with head held hi emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3297 days ago
  • B-N-ME
    Dee, I'm sorry you have had such a rough time the last few years....but you have made it through! That's says alot about you as a person! When things were so tough it would have been easy to throw in the towel but you didn't and you still haven;t! Give yourself some credit!
    Life throws us all curve balls and sometimes we need to just stop and take a break and get ourselves stabilied....taking care of yourself is about a healthy lifestyle but also means keeping your sanity, and doing what it takes to keep your peace.
    One foot in front of the other my dear, keep at it and you will soon see the other side.

    emoticon
    3297 days ago
  • MKPRINCESS007
    Oh Girlfriend..........I too, knew about the moves and how hard it's been, but I agree........when you write it all down........I am not sure how you did it! I know sometimes we just do what we have to, but it can be tough! You know I am here for you. I have not been able to get far on my weight loss, and so I can relate to how you feel. I am so glad you wrote this. I agree with some others here........when I went through my son's school refusal, I thought I was having a total breakdown. I got support from my doctor via an anti depressant for a while and it made a world of difference for me to cope with the above average stressors. It doesn't have to be forever.

    Love ya, and please, put yourself in first place for a bit. If for no other reason, your family can't have you down and out!

    Karen
    3297 days ago
  • VERONICAVW_140
    emoticon You and your situation are in my thoughts and prayers.
    3297 days ago
  • PALMTREEGIRL1
    Oh DEEEEE! I knew about all this but when you put it together.....WOWZER! (to quote you).

    That is a ton - I'm thinking you should share all this with your family doctor - an anti-depressive might be in order.....I had to do it when I was going through divorce.

    All in all, it could be way worse - at least you are all healthy.....rise above it - suck it up - remember our dear friend R2 - Fierce! Take care of YOU - everyone else should come second.
    3297 days ago
  • LORI-K
    I'm sorry to hear you have been through so much. You may be down but you are definitely not out. You are a very strong woman to get through all that you have. Hang in there and keep on keeping on. You'll always have the support from all of your great friends on Sparkpeople. I know I am always here for an ear.
    emoticon emoticon
    3297 days ago
  • DEE797
    Just wanted to say "THANKS", I so appreciate all the support and encouragement you have given me. emoticon
    3297 days ago
  • DTSOBEL
    I could have written your blog except for the moving part. I too, have regained too much of the weight I worked so hard to lose in the first place. Keep with the teams and we will both regain our footing.

    Sorry you feel you are dealing with depression. That is never fun. Exercise should help that. We are hear/here for you!
    3298 days ago
  • LILBITWANNABE
    Hopefully things settle down this year and you can find 'me time'. I know it's tough starting over, but just forget about last year and make this one better:) You can't take back what happened, but you can choose how to proceed:)
    3298 days ago
  • KGLOVER71
    One day at a time. That's all you have to do. Don't let another thing overwhelm you, just keep swimming. Personally I LOVE the reset button, and I have just utlized it myself. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!! emoticon
    3298 days ago
  • APIRLRAIN888
    Hugs that's a lot...me too. Still at up 20 let's do this
    3298 days ago
  • -LINDA_S
    Wow, you sure have been through it all! I hope things settle down for you and you can get yourself back on track. Please don't beat yourself up. You've done the best you could with what you had at the time.

    emoticon
    3298 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2701801
    Oh my girl.. you have been going thru so much.. ! I cant imagine how feel.. so many have gone thru the same thing and much worse i am sure.. I dont think there is anything anyone can say to make it all better but i do care and here for you.. and it is so good to get stuff out so you can let it go even thou that is your life and it seems like its never ending..
    Keep a positive outlook as you can.. be strong.. times are so tough and you are blessed with kids and husband..!! Hugs to you.!!
    3298 days ago
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