Times Are Tough... But I See Better Days Ahead
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
I'm having a tough time eating right. But not for the reasons I used to. I am not bingeing - that's good. It's not that I'm on auto pilot - that's good. I am not stress eating. It's not that I'm keeping 'junk' in the house, or sneaking through drive-thru. To be honest, it's because we are having a hard time financially. We've had to make significant cut backs over the last 3 years... and more recently the last 3 months. My husband, Joshua, hurt his back nearly 3 years ago and couldn't work. At the time we thought it was something that would get better and he'd be able to return to work eventually. While he was off, he was doing physiotherapy and chiro for a long time which were helping him recuperate. And during his healing process, he was getting a disability benefit from his employer. He was rehabilitated and they tried to help him return to work, but his limitations could not be accommodated by his employer so he's not been able to make a return to that job. His benefits have run out - income benefit and health benefits. And although he does need to be cautious, he is much better than he once was - it took a long time for him to get to where he is now. I admire him as he is a motivated husband and father and recognizes the responsibility that comes with that. Recently, we took a chance and invested in a course for him to retrain for a new career. I do not regret making this investment in our future in the least; however, the process has taken longer than anticipated and so work hasn't been secured yet. Joshua's licensed now, just working on his last few certifications that a potential employer has asked for. In the meantime, I am working still and we are doing our best to make ends meet... Our family membership to the Y is subsidized, we have accessed local programs that help with food and Christmas, and we shop sales/clearance. This whole experience has been humbling, truly. In having to make such drastic cutbacks though, I am also not able to buy foods that allow me to eat as I wish - that would most benefit me and support me in my goals. I eat what we have - this doesn't necessarily mean that we chose to buy it and yes, sometimes this means Kraft Dinner or bologna sandwich or whatever. I am grateful though that we can feed our family. I realize now that I have felt some level of embarrassment in admitting our hard times. Which seems crazy now - I accept that this is where we are at. I am not too proud to say that we've had to ask for help and that we are struggling to make ends meet. I have learned so much about myself and our family and our priorities through this experience - it has made us better people. And I realize that part of the reason I stopped logging my food on SparkPeople was because I did not want to be judged for the kinds of foods I am eating. Obviously I know that Kraft Dinner isn't exactly something that someone trying to lose weight should be eating, but when that's what we have then so be it. Although there is no shame in tough times, I have decided to make my food tracker private again, and I'm going to resume logging again. I anticipate that Joshua will be done his certifications by the end of the week, and hired on by this potential employer to start paid training soon thereafter. So I do see better days ahead, I just have to hang on. Keep on keeping on. Right now, I'm just trying to keep my goals within my sight and stay motivated to strive for them. I am so thankful for SparkPeople and the friends I've made here that support me and inspire me - without this, I'm certain my will to maintain a healthy lifestyle would have faltered. I will come out of this ahead of the game, not behind. I am looking forward to when things are a little better though... And I can give back to those who have helped us.